STRANGER THAN FICTION: SECURITY CAMERAS THE ANSWER TO LUNCH THEFT PROBLEM

There's a heinous crime being committed daily in the office lounges of this country.

People won't even discuss it openly, never mind seek police assistance.

The perpetrators slip in undetected and without shame. The victims are left empty-handed and wondering why, why, why this had to happen to them.

That crime is lunch theft, and it's tearing this country apart.

It was a problem at the offices in Florida where I worked, only the thieves didn't just steal lunches. They stole frozen pizzas for a business promotion and an entire Tupperware lunchbox, complete with sandwich container and cup! (And those babies aren't cheap.)

I once foolishly brought a week's worth of Lean Cuisine meals to store in the office freezer. I ate one. The rest disappeared.

Awareness of the crime has forced paranoid Florida office workers to mark their food. They employ all manner of signs and labels affixed to food with tape, rubber bands and the like. "DON'T TOUCH!" they scream. "LINDA'S CANDY BAR!"

I saw a few signs like that inside our refrigerator here at the Southeast Missourian, but not so many as in Florida. That fact lured me into a false sense of security. I'm in Missouri now, I reasoned. Yes, burglary is a major problem in South Florida, but I live among good, decent people.

And then, after five months of employment, I saw it -- evidence of a lunch theft.

It was in the form of an anonymous note firmly taped to one of our two refrigerators.

It read: "To the person who stole my salad, I hope you enjoyed it. Next time, let your conscience be your guide!"

In all fairness, I'd noticed another sign earlier in the week that read: "Free salad mixes." Maybe the thief was confused.

But probably not.

So there are two problems with the note. First, the author probably didn't hope the thief enjoyed his/her salad. The author more likely hoped the thief choked on the salad and was rushed to the emergency room to remove a wayward radish from his/her windpipe.

And second, someone who is stealing lunches probably doesn't have a conscience about that sort of thing. He probably wouldn't, say, kill somebody, but he's going to keep right on stealing salads, sandwiches, frozen entrees, etc.

Sadly, I understand that criminal lifestyle. I was lured by the office refrigerator's siren song one dark night.

It was six years ago, and I noticed a leftover birthday cake shoved toward the back of a shelf, no doubt to protect it from someone like me.

Glancing around, I swiftly pulled the cake out, ate a piece and slid the rest back into the refrigerator.

But my criminal career didn't last long. The next morning, as a co-worker put her lunch away, she shrieked, "Oh my goodness! Is that cake still in there? I thought I'd thrown it out six months ago!" She immediately tossed it into the garbage.

But not every thief is going to have such an experience to change his life. So I'm advocating security cameras on our refrigerators. Then, if a lunch went missing, we could review the videotape and catch the perpetrator, maybe sending him to a 12-step program for the first offense.

After that, we'd throw the book at him. Or the salad.