On the Web, you can rent ad space on a man's bald head

In America, everything is for sale -- even Jeff Swanson's head.

The Iowa guy is offering to let an advertiser tattoo his head for $100,000.

Swanson insists he's not a nut. "I would just like to make sure my kids have the chance for a good education when the time comes and I would like to buy a race horse or two I've had my eye on," he tells the Internet world.

The 39-year-old Swanson says he'll stay bald and won't wear a hat for a year while he acts as a human billboard, assuming that someone meets his price.

Only in America can a guy find such value in shaving.

Of course, none of this would be possible without eBay, the Web world's biggest auction service. Almost anything can be bought or sold there.

Swanson may want to rent out his head, but a guy in New York City is offering an even more bizarre service. He's willing to tattoo his rear end with an advertisement for $500,000. One wonders just who would see it? There are plenty of non-body items being auctioned too -- under the categories of "Weird" and "Totally Bizarre." Trust me, these categories live up to their names.

Cap'n Grumpy, a life-size plastic lobster is on the auction block. So too is a mounted deer butt. The seller says this is a "must item for any room in the house, bar or even in your office." There's such a thing as cruelty to animals and interior decorators.

For the truly crazed, there's the Sigmund Freud psycho-therapy action figure. The makers suggest you prop him on your desk or nightstand to inspire you to explore the depths of your unconscious. Hopefully, he doesn't charge by the hour.

For the multi-cultural set, there's a CD that will teach you how to cuss like a Russian sailor. In the middle of the Cold War, stuff like that would have been banned.

Thankfully today there are good relations between the United States and Russia, which allows for such a good-natured linguistic exchange.

On the world's auction block also are things like fake lottery tickets. The mother of a seller got a hold of one that said she had won $50,000. She hasn't forgiven him yet.

And don't forget the ever popular fake bullet holes. You can get 24 of these bullet holes for just under a dollar, which is clearly a bargain unless you just have to have the real thing. Thousands reportedly have been sold. Clearly, this is a growth industry that threatens to put real criminals out of business.

If people can buy fake bullet holes anytime they want, why do we need criminals to waste our time with real bullets? My wife, Joni, has become an expert browser on e-Bay. She's one of nearly 50 million registered users.

She sold Beanie Babies online years ago. Now, she's selling clothes that our children have outgrown.

With a digital camera, you can even let potential buyers view the merchandise.

In the old days, people sold children's clothes and other stuff at garage sales. But thanks to the Internet, you don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn and make change in your driveway while the entire street temporarily turns into a parking lot.

You can buy everything from cars to boats and plenty of other stuff with a click of a mouse.

The online auction service says its mission is to help practically anyone trade practically anything on Earth.

Free enterprise is an amazing thing. The sky's the limit it would seem and even that likely will be for sale some day on the Internet.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.