MARK MY WORD: THERE'S A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE AND IT'S NOT MICKEY

How could that be? We didn't invite him in for Christmas. But he came anyway, scurrying through the walls of our home like some tiny burglar.

Joni and the girls first spotted him one Saturday morning while I was at work. Becca and Bailey immediately sought the safety of the kitchen table. The tiny mouse, of course, ran away to hide.

They called me and I came home to investigate. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the creature.

The next morning, however, I spotted him out for a stroll. He disappeared before I could chase him.

One of our neighbors even loaned us her cat for an afternoon. The cat had a good time, but never found the mouse in our house.

The next time I spotted the little critter, I managed to give chase, trapping him in a bathroom. Of course, he disappeared again like some crazy magician.

By now, we were getting frustrated. How dare this tiny creature run around our house like he owns the place and disappear at will? A friend told us that mice like to take refuge inside when it's cold outside. But who put out our welcome sign? Our 7-year-old daughter, Becca, was constantly sending up false alarms, interpreting every sound in the house as a mouse.

I made frequent trips through the house, searching for telltale signs of mouse life. I couldn't find any little mouse clothes or shoes anywhere. Somehow, it didn't seem like Stuart Little.

At first, I thought about catching the rodent and releasing him alive somewhere outside, away from our house.

After all, I grew up watching the antics of Mighty Mouse and Mickey Mouse. Mice are part of our culture, in cartoons and in children's books.

There's a children's book that talks about giving a mouse a cookie. Of course, the mouse ends up getting a whole lot more, including milk and crayons. He draws a picture to hang on the refrigerator. He even grabs a broom and sweeps up the house.

It's great to have a mouse who cleans up and decorates. That's one thing. It's quite another to have a real rodent in your home, particularly one that is running loose and doesn't look a thing like Mickey Mouse.

It's not a pretty picture.

We certainly didn't want to give this guy milk and cookies. He already had overstayed his welcome.

He clearly showed no signs of leaving. This just wouldn't do.

We weren't willing to turn our home into Rodent Ranch.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. We figured it was time for lethal force.

I thought about calling in the Army or ripping out the inside walls one by one in search of the furry fiend.

I dreamed of launching a few grenades in the mouse's direction. Better yet, a cruise missile. Some tanks could demolish the mouse's house.

Of course, our entire house would be destroyed too, leaving us homeless for the holidays.

So we called in a pest control expert, who set out some poison. Even after that, we spotted the mouse from time to time.

I finally put out a regular mousetrap with peanut butter, which did the trick within a day, much to the delight of my family.

Thankfully this Christmas, there won't be a creature stirring -- not even a mouse.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.