MARK MY WORD: THANKS FOR NOTICING; EEYORE FINDS HAPPINESS IN GLOOMINESS

There are times in life when I just want to hug Eeyore.

But then, he is my role model. I just can't help feeling good about that depressed donkey.

Actually, I don't think he's really depressed. As a dad, I've read a lot of "Winnie the Pooh" books and I'm convinced that Eeyore really isn't all that gloomy. He just complains a lot. Joni says he'd fit right in, in the newsroom.

But beneath that gray outlook is a kind-hearted guy.

Joni recently bought our youngest daughter, Bailey, a stuffed Eeyore wearing Christmas antlers. Naturally, I was jealous. I wanted one of those darling donkeys for myself. But then when you're a parent, you have to make some sacrifices for your children.

Personally, I think Eeyore is a better role model than those other fluffy, stuffy animals that populate the Hundred-Acre Wood.

Take Tigger, for example. He is always bouncing off the walls and just about everything else. If he were your next door neighbor, you'd be suspicious if not down right irritated by all that bouncing.

Of course, oldest daughter Becca loves Tigger the best. She likes the fact he bounces all the time. Of course, that doesn't surprise me because Becca loves to jump rope. At age 5, you can't help but bounce through life.

But it seems to me that Tigger is a little old for that. In today's society, you might rightly wonder if Tigger is cooking up methamphetamine out in the woods. Before you know it, there would be DEA agents running amok in the Hundred-Acre Wood and generally spoiling Pooh's picnic.

In today's diet-conscious society, Pooh just doesn't fit in. He's always eating honey. He never watches his weight. You won't catch him working out.

Eeyore isn't as fast as Rabbit or as talkative as Piglet, but he is a steady sort. I like that about Eeyore.

One of my kids' books is about the efforts of Pooh and the others to get Eeyore to be happy. They suggest everything from bouncing to climbing the Honey Tree to get some of that yummy, sticky stuff. But, of course, nothing works out. Eeyore ends up bouncing into a mud puddle and being chased by angry bees.

In the end, he goes back to the Gloomy Place, happy to be gloomy again.

You've got to like a book that has a happy ending.

In the real world, however, Eeyore wouldn't be left alone in the Gloomy Place. Society wouldn't allow it. He'd end up undergoing counseling, which, no doubt, would focus on why he continually loses his tail.

As for the Hundred-Acre Wood, it would be cut down by Christopher Robin to make room for a shopping mall. Pooh and the others would wind up homeless. But not for long.

Sooner or later, they would bounce back with an appearance on the David Letterman show.

As for Eeyore, he would be the most well-adjusted stuffed animal of them all, what with all that counseling.

Fortunately, Eeyore and company don't have to endure such a story line. For them, there will always be a fun forest with plenty of honey and a great Gloomy Place.

After all, there are worse things in life than losing your tail. But don't ask Eeyore to elaborate.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.