MARK MY WORD: SOME PEOPLE WERE BORN TO GRILL, BUT NOT ME

Grilling can be a thrilling experience.

Why else would we go outside and incinerate meat in the hot, humid days of summer when we could do in our modern kitchens without ever breaking a sweat?

Some people were just born to grill. I'm not one of them.

I used to grill some, but thanks to my wife's George Foreman grill I can barbecue right in the kitchen.

Besides, my gas grill has seen better days. These days, it resembles a flamethrower more than a grill. I have a charcoal grill too, which has started to fall apart from neglect.

So we get by without cooking outdoors.

I realize that would horrify Americans who worship at the barbecue altar. For them, there's nothing as American as cooking burgers, steaks, chicken and any other edible stuff on a grill in the back yard.

As they see it, the back yard was invented to provide a place to barbecue.

Maybe it goes back to man's primeval fascination with fire, which made it a whole lot nicer to eat meat.

Over millions of years, we've perfected the task of burning our meat. We no longer do it in caves or even in kitchens. Rather, we do it on modern grills, some of which look more like sophisticated spaceships than cooking machines.

Take, for example, the $12,000 Frontgate Deluxe Outdoor Kitchen. It has a 48-inch, built-in grill, dual range-top burner, warming drawer, granite tiles, outlets for an outdoor refrigerator and the telephone number of a barbecue expert.

It's the kind of grill that calls attention to the cook and anyone else who falls within its spotlight.

Barbecue lovers bought 15.4 million outdoor drills last year. Grill guru Steven Raichlen has even started a barbecue boot camp.

There are more types of grills than ever before. Gone are the days of cooking chicken on a rusty old metal grill that looked like it was used by Davy Crockett. These days, you can find grills big enough to cook 45 burgers at a time.

I've never had a desire to cook that much meat at a one time. But it might come in handy if you're feeding an entire football team.

These high-end grills cost more than the gross national product of some Third World countries. Time magazine says it's all about prestige.

Of course, plenty of Americans get by with those bulky Webers. Besides, as we all know, the real reason to barbecue is to have an excuse to drink adult beverages and skip the housework.

We're more than willing to go out and overcook some poor animal. It's the process that counts, not how good it tastes.

Daughters Becca and Bailey could care less if the meat was cooked over an open fire. They'd just as soon have it microwaved.

There's little reason to get out the grill when you're cooking chicken fingers. Besides, it's not the meat that's important to Becca. It's the ketchup that goes with it.

I admit, I've had some momentary pangs of regret this summer that I didn't break down and barbecue a cow. But so far I've managed to stay away from the grill.

The indoor grill works just fine. Best of all, I don't have to worry about getting lost in the smoke.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.