MARK MY WORD: SIMPSON'S COULD BE THE TRIAL OF THE CENTURY

The O.J. Simpson trial may be the trial of the century. At this rate, it could certainly last that long.

Not only is this trial long, it even has its own commercial breaks.

This trial is televised and retelevised. You can watch it live during the day and see much of the testimony repeated on the highlight reels that evening.

This double-murder trial has more reruns than "Perry Mason."

O.J. has enough lawyers to field his own football team. By trial's end, the lawyers will have enough money to own their own football team unless, of course, they want to move it to St. Louis.

Both sides seem intent on calling the entire Los Angeles police department to the stand before the case goes to the jury.

If you are an out-of-work actor, there's no better job than being a witness on the O.J. Show.

Brian "Kato" Kaelin has proven that. America's most famous house guest and moocher managed to spend days on the witness stand describing his trip to Ronald McDonald land with The Juice.

Now he signs autographs at Indiana malls and searches for another rent-free mansion to live in.

Prosecutor Marcia Clark is leaving no glove unturned in her courtroom brawl with the defense attorneys.

Now she wants to haul an airport trash can into the courtroom to suggest that Simpson might have ditched incriminating evidence before leaving town the night of the murders.

I can just see the trash can being put on the witness stand, and Oscar the Grouch popping out as Clark begins asking questions.

At this point, it might be advisable to bring Big Bird in as a character witness.

Three months and nearly 40 witnesses into the trial, the prosecution is gearing up for the DNA evidence.

The state plans to present scientists who will testify that Simpson isn't related to the cartoon family and that the blood at the murder scene was that of a former higher jumper for Hertz Rent-A-Car.

Will the bloody glove found at Simpson's estate tie him to the murder or just keep the trial rolling along until Peter Falk's called in to investigate?

Thankfully, for Simpson, it is a jury trial.

In earlier times, it was trial by ordeal, not jury.

Poison was frequently used. Those who survived were sick as dogs, but at least they were declared innocent of all the charges.

Under Saxon law, you were considered not guilty if you could carry several pounds of red-hot iron in your bare hands for nine steps or walk barefoot over nine red-hot plowshares without getting any blisters.

In some parts of the world, the trial involved plunging your arm into boiling water, oil or lead. If the body part didn't come out looking like a lobster, you were innocent.

Water was good stuff too. The innocent sank. Those who floated were guilty. They were fished out of the water so they could be properly barbecued.

When juries finally did show up in England, they expected to be paid a few guineas by the winning side and taken out to dinner.

By that standard, Simpson would be in good shape, just as long as the jurors didn't have to go to dinner with Kato.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.