MARK MY WORD: SHOES TIE PARENTS UP IN KNOTS DURING MORNING RUSH

"One, two, buckle my shoe."

It sounds easy enough in a nursery rhyme. But it is far from easy when you're trying to put such shoes on your children.

Joni bought oldest daughter Becca a new pair of black shoes the other day. Each shoe had two straps and two buckles.

The next day, Joni had to go into work early. That meant I had to get Becca and Bailey dressed and delivered to school and day care.

I was pretty much on schedule until I had to buckle Becca's shoes at the end of the morning rush hour in our home. Those new buckles didn't want to budge. I pushed and shoved the black leather straps. Apparently the buckles saw I meant business and eased up, letting me push the straps into place. But that was just the beginning of my troubles. Getting the straps actually buckled would prove an even bigger chore.

The holes in the new leather straps seemed microscopic to my eyes and opposed to letting any part of the clasp penetrate its space.

After much huffing and puffing, I managed to get one of the shoes firmly locked on Becca's right foot.

But the buckles on the left foot wouldn't budge an inch.

I had only five minutes to get Becca to school or she would be tardy. So we raced out of the house and into the car. As I drove, Becca tried to wrestle her other shoe into place.

We reached the school with a minute to spare. But it took some major pulling on my part to get the straps into place. After much whining and wailing on the part of this harried dad, I managed to get the shoe buckled.

I'm not sure what Bailey thought of our morning antics. Bailey, who is approaching 2, has no need of buckles. Her shoes have velcro fasteners. Personally, I think all children's shoes should have velcro. That would eliminate all those bad buckle days.

Shoes are always an afterthought with our kids. The girls take after Joni, who has never met a pair of shoes she wouldn't discard in a second in favor of bare feet.

When she comes home, she immediately casts off her shoes. The kids do the same thing, which is why our dining room floor often showcases so much shoe leather.

Becca, who is in kindergarten, does a good job of getting dressed by herself. Bailey can get the job done too. But neither daughter can remember to put on their shoes without constant reminders.

Part of the problem is they don't remember where they left their shoes the night before. "Don't know," says Bailey when I ask the question.

Kids know when mom has just baked cookies. They know where they dropped the jump rope or put their Barbie dolls. But ask them to find their shoes and they often don't have a clue.

Even Joni has trouble at times finding just the right pair of shoes.

It's times like this that they call upon me, Mr. Detective, to retrieve the desired footwear. Of course, the first thing I do is look under the dining room table where I regularly find scattered shoes. Other popular hangouts for shoes are under the couch and the kitchen bench.

I've threatened to put beepers on the shoes to eliminate the morning scavenger hunt. But that won't happen.

The truth is, I've grown fond of the footwear follies. It's just the buckles I balk at.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.