MARK MY WORD: NEW BABY TRANSLATES TO NEW LIFESTYLE FOR PARENTS

Babyhood changes everything.

Parents don't just lose sleep because they're up at 3 a.m. feeding the baby. Their wardrobe also changes.

Your clothes are accessoried with formula-stained burp cloths. You walk around the house with those things draped over your shoulder like a badge of courage.

Several times since the birth of our second child a month ago, I've almost left for work with the burp cloth clinging to my suitcoat.

Getting anywhere is twice as hard with two children, particulary when one of them has to be carried everywhere.

A trip to St. Louis to visit relatives requires you to pack a toothbrush. There's no room for anything else because the whole car is taken up with toys, pacifiers, car seats, children's clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles and burp cloths.

Most of this stuff is for our baby daughter, Bailey.

Becca is almost 4. You only need one bag for her.

Joni and I had almost forgotten what it was like to haul around a new baby.

Having a new baby means that one of you is always walking around with a bundle in your arms that regularly needs changing.

It's amazing what you can do one-handed in the home. Of course, Twister is out of the question.

Babyhood also means you get those wonderful catalogs that offer a whole host of baby products, everything from safety cushions to cover furniture's sharp edges to those plastic safety gates that turn any room into a kiddie corral.

Such a catalog arrived at our home the other day.

If we bought all the stuff listed in the catalog, we'd have to rent a U-Haul truck just to go grandma's.

There's the car seat activity organizer, which attaches to the back of the front seat and has pouches and pockets to store coloring books and toys.

Who are they kidding? Since when do kids' toys get stored neatly anywhere?

For $13 you can buy a bottle warmer, which plugs into your cigarette lighter so you can give your baby warm milk as you're driving along.

So many things plug into cigarette lighters these days, you'd think car manufacturers would give us more than one in a vehicle.

The catalog includes a combination changing table and bath tub. Now, if only it would rock your baby to sleep and feed it too, you'd seriously consider buying it.

There's the nursing mom foot stool, designed to lesson the strain to back, arms and shoulders.

According to the catalog, a new mom sits and holds a baby for about 1,000 hours over the first six months. The dad sits too. But generally he is watching "Home Improvement" and cradling the TV remote control, which isn't as heavy as a baby and doesn't need changing.

There's the designer bottle rack which provides convenient drying and storage and looks like it should be a mobile.

There's the Mommy Bunny, which, according to the catalog, is a "must" for a newborn.

The bunny plays womb sounds and automatically turns off after 40 minutes. At that point, the baby begins to cry again and you have to listen to it all over again. Pretty soon, you're ready for a Frank Sinatra concert.

"This soft, cuddly bunny was developed as the perfect natural transition from the security of the womb to life outside," the catalog states.

You'd think the baby had just been paroled.

Come to think of it, maybe we would all be better off if we could carry around cuddly, womb-sounding bunnies all day.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.