MARK MY WORD: MAGAZINE WONDERS: ARE YOU A WIMPY PARENT?

"Are you a wimpy parent? Take our quiz," urged the headline on the front page of one of those parents' magazines.

Naturally, Joni and I had to take the quiz. People tend to take notice of wimpiness allegations. Just ask George Bush.

Joni and I used to take all those Cosmopolitan quizzes, which were designed to enlighten us about our relationships or at the very least start arguments.

We learned to keep our answers to ourselves on quizzes such as: What Don't You Like About Your Spouse?

At any rate, we've moved beyond quizzes about hormones, sex and dating.

The ones that get our attention now have to do with parenting.

The "wimpy" quiz asks "Are You Tough Enough?"

It begins: "Do your kids know who's in charge or do they wheedle and whine their way out of just about anything?"

You haven't even approached the questions and you're already worried about a failing grade.

Of course, your kids wheedle and whine. It's part of their lifestyle. It's habit forming just like repeating "no, no, no" is for mom and dad.

The first question asks if you're one of those parents that tries to reason with your children only to wind up on the losing end.

Naturally, this is a trick question. We can't reason with children because parenting sucks out most of our brain cells and leaves us unable to communicate with anything more complicated than a Barbie doll.

A second question asks if your kids know the rules of the house when it comes to clothes left on the floor.

That's easy. Of course, they do. They know mom and dad should pick up clothes in the middle of the floor so they don't trip over the toys underneath.

Another question asks if parents feel powerless with their kids.

Of course, they do. Why else would you be on speaking terms with a syrupy, purple dinosaur.

Still another question asks parents if they think childhood should be fun and carefree.

What kind of question is that? You're too busy doing bottles, changing diapers and taking your older child to dance class to even notice if anyone in your family is having fun.

Being a parent does require you to get out of the house and take your children to ice skating, gymnastics, dance classes and McDonald's, although not necessarily in that order.

Becca has waltzed through skating and gymnastics. She is now in dance class.

At age 3, she's not ready for the ballet. But she is learning how to bump with her hips.

At dance class last week, she and four other girls bumped each other down the line to the encouragement of the instructor.

The teacher said Becca was a good bumper. Comments like that make you proud to be a parent.

I suspect the biggest thing going for the dance class is the mirrored wall. The girls love to watch their every move.

At this dance studio, parents can watch their children through a one-way mirror.

But unlike the police lineup, this one is constantly moving.

They can't see you. They don't know if you're being wimpy.

But they know you're standing outside, proudly watching their every move.

And why not? You can't help but be proud of ballerinas that bump.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.