MARK MY WORD: IT'S A GOOD THING PARENTING DOESN'T WORK LIKE VOICE MAIL

Talk about your busy signal. In the hurry-up world of telecommunications, we're lucky to reach a real person.

These days, we're more likely to reach a recorded message. "Please wait a minute. This line is busy," a taped voice informed me when I called a local agency recently.

I was instructed to hold and then repeatedly advised to "press 1" if I wanted to continue to hold.

There's nothing worse than having to continue to press buttons just to continue holding. In the old days, holding wasn't a push-button sport.

Today it is just part of the high-tech jungle we live in. Getting through the alphabet-soup communications maze is a tricky business. Real, live secretaries are being replaced with automated voice systems that don't have a clue where the boss is.

When you do reach someone's office, chances are you'll just get another recorded message telling you that the person you wanted to speak with isn't there.

Fortunately, parenting doesn't work that way.

We can't just tune out our kids and leave their hasty communication to another day.

Interruptions are an everyday occurrence for parents. Not a day goes by that our children aren't breaking into our busy-minded world informing us of their latest accomplishments or sibling battles.

We don't put this news on hold even when we've heard the message over and over again.

We want to know when our children are feeling sick or about their latest accomplishment in school.

When Becca needs help with her homework, I don't want her to get a busy signal. When Bailey wants me to tie her shoes, she doesn't want a recorded reply.

Imagine what it would be like if parenting were run by voice mail. Our children would be stuck in message limbo.

Of course, as parents, Joni and I often feel our children have turned off their human answering machines entirely. We'd appreciate a reply now and then, even if it were taped.

Admittedly, there are times when we wish we could tape our parental replies. It would be great if we could keep the word "no" on tape. That way, we wouldn't have to say it over and over again.

"No" is a word that was clearly invented by parents. Some kids think it's the only word their parents know.

While technology might seem a convenient alternative, we can't afford to leave parenting to it. We'd end up leaving our children stuck on hold with nothing but an empty, impersonal voice to keep them company.

Of course, they might like pressing the buttons. But they'd soon tire of it and want to talk to their real parents.

Besides, voice mail doesn't read a book to your kid or give your child a hug.

But it's taking over the corporate world. Businesses will no longer need talking heads. They'll rely on talking machines and phone-tag messages that avoid real conversations entirely.

We'll end up spending our lives punching buttons to stay on hold for the remote possibility that someone will actually pick up the phone and talk to us.

Of course, my phone at work is equipped with voice mail just like everyone else. I have an answering machine at home just so I won't miss those calls from someone trying to sell me something that I don't need.

But hopefully we won't keep our kids stuck in a holding pattern.

With any luck, Becca and Bailey won't get a busy signal when they talk to mom and dad.

At age 7 and 4, respectively, they already know all the right buttons to push.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.