MARK MY WORD: FORGET THE DONKEY, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE WHEELS

There's nothing like a good set of wheels.

Our family found that out last week when our aging van's fuel pump went out, leaving us with only a single car to rely on to get around town.

A two-parent, two-kid family simply can't survive on a single car. It's downright un-American.

We depend on cars even when it is just to travel a block or two. The whole purpose of legs is to provide us with limbs to reach the gas pedal and the brake. Walking is permitted, but only to travel to and from the car.

It's taken mankind millions of years to get this point of evolution. We're proud to be such a vehicular race.

In prehistoric times, people traveled mainly on foot without the benefit of power windows or brakes.

They transported goods on their backs or heads. But it didn't take long for man to realize donkeys and assorted oxen could do it better.

The wheel was invented about 3500 B.C. and recalled a few years later.

By 3000 B.C., man was riding around in wagons and on sailing boats.

Thousands of years later, mankind came up with planes, trains and automobiles.

But it was the auto that let us all get to the mall and bucket seats that made us happy.

So it's not surprising that Joni and I would be appalled by the loss of our van. Never mind that it had traveled tons of miles, we still were counting on it to keep chugging along.

But it died, leaving us with the tough choice of whether to resuscitate it or buy a new one.

We chose to jump ship and buy a new car. OK, it's not really new. It's used, a formerly leased van, red in color with all the bells and whistles.

No one wants just a set of wheels anymore. They want surround sound, arctic air in the summer, tropical heat in the winter and all the comforts of home.

Anything else would be like riding in a covered wagon.

Of course, our children were thrilled to be getting a new van. For one thing, the air conditioning was out in the old one.

Besides, it had long since suffered the abuse of road trips with the kids. It had its share of ink and food stains.

Now that we have a new used car we're intent on keeping it clean. I've told the children to avoid being children in our new van.

I'm always amazed at how neat everything looks on the car lot. The dirt seems to stay away until you've driven off the lot. Then it attacks with a vengeance.

I'd like to keep all food and drink at least 10 feet away from the vehicle. But I know that won't last for long.

Sooner or later, there will be French fries on the floor and other assorted ingredients of living.

Floor mats are a help. But I personally think full body suits for the kids would work better.

Of course, parents have always been protective of their vehicles. I'm sure those proud Romans didn't tolerate gum on their chariots.

"Don't mess up the Conestoga" was an admonition of countless American pioneers as they headed west with their children in those covered wagons.

The biggest problems with the wagon were the fact there was no trade-in value and little leg room.

Without TV commercials, Americans had no idea about pickup trucks or sale-a-thons.

Thankfully, we have a better set of wheels these days.

With any luck, we'll keep rolling along.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.