MARK MY WORD: FORGET AL, BYPASS GEORGE, AND VOTE FOR BARBIE

Forget Al Gore and George Bush.

Americans have a third choice in November. They can vote for presidential Barbie.

She's beautiful, elegantly dressed and very popular.

Dressed in an ice blue suit and sporting a "Barbie for President" button on her lapel, the slender doll made by Mattel is running for the highest office in the land. She's doing so from a red, white and blue box advertising "Barbie President 2000."

So far, she hasn't said a word about anything. Not a peep about education, crime or Elian Gonzalez.

That may actually be her strong point. She won't bore you with campaign speeches. She knows that how you look is everything in today's video-crazed presidential sweepstakes.

Her best attribute politically is that she has been able to clone herself into countless presidential Barbies, and is arriving in every toy store in America six months before the general election.

That should be more than enough time to get noticed by the voters.

The White House is already taking note of this major political development. White House spokesman Joe Lockhart says, "Barbie...Um...can't think she's gonna have much of an impact on the race unless they run Malibu Barbie and then maybe California will be impacted."

Lockhart actually voiced that comment to reporters. When you're a White House spokesman you have to keep up with the all the news, particularly who is running for president.

So far, there is no indication that Clinton wants to meet the presidential doll, at least not when Ken's around.

Actually, it's nice to see that Ken is taking it so well. It's about time we had a First Man in the White House.

And the Rose Garden would be a perfect spot for Barbie and her friends to hang out.

As it turns out, Barbie was encouraged to run for president by the White House Project, a non-profit, non-partisan group that promotes women candidates and encourages them to play dress-up and have tea parties.

Presidential Barbie comes equipped with evening wear a slinky red gown and matching shoes for those high-dollar fund-raisers that all candidates need to be successful.

Politically, she'd be tough to beat. She already has had a ton of careers, so she can relate to just about any working American or those who hang out on the beach in Malibu.

Unlike most political candidates, Barbie comes with a disclaimer. "Podium not included. Doll cannot stand alone," reads the small print on the box.

Personally, that's OK with me. I like an honest candidate. Besides, I'm tired of seeing candidates standing at a podium. I'd much rather see them let their hair down or at least put it in a pony tail.

Barbie's presidential campaign could be just what this country needs to get young people interested in the election process. Our daughters, Becca and Bailey, would vote for her in a heartbeat.

At the congressional level, there is no Barbie candidate. But voters looking for congressional timber may want to consider a ficus tree.

Filmmaker Michael Moore is serving as campaign manager for 21 ficus trees that are running as write-in candidates in congressional races around the country. The trees are challenging representatives who have little or no competition.

Moore insists that his write-in candidates are better than many human ones. "Candidates make promises and go to Washington and do nothing. We believe a potted plant could do no worse," says Moore. He's got a point, provided, of course, that they can put down some roots.

That could be tricky when you're shuttling all the time between Washington and your district.

Still, who knows, Moore's campaign has the potential to really branch out.

I'm convinced the ficus trees would get along just fine with President Barbie in the White House Rose Garden. Since they won't be bogged down with endless campaign promises, they'll have plenty of time to enjoy the fresh air.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.