MARK MY WORD: FOR PARENTS, THE FOUR MOST TERRIFYING WORDS ARE `I DO IT MYSELF'

And what's all this talk about the Princess of Whales?

"I do it myself."

We used to think it was cute when our youngest daughter, Bailey, spoke these four little words. Little did we realize that it was a proclamation for disaster.

Bailey, who is fast heading toward the terrible twos, has concluded that she can do anything her 5-year-old sister can do.

What really is terrifying is that Bailey, unlike older daughter Becca, prefers to handle things quietly. One minute she is playing quietly on the floor and the next she has scaled a chair and grabbed the checkbook off the kitchen table. If we're not careful, she will even crawl around on top of the kitchen table.

She loves to open the refrigerator, get out the plastic bottle of milk or juice, twist off the lid and pour it out into a cup. Of course, she generally spills it all over the kitchen floor.

It didn't take long before the fridge-door-opening sound was sending shivers through our spine as we'd rush into the kitchen in hopes of preventing another spill.

After one mega-spill evening, Joni and I decided we needed to lock up our refrigerator. Not having a locksmith in the family, we settled for the next best solution. We wedged a chair between the refrigerator door and the kitchen bench.

It gets a little old, moving the chair all the time just to get into the refrigerator. It also makes it harder to view all of Becca's artwork that has turned the front of our refrigerator door into a poor man's art gallery. But it's better than spilled milk.

The other night, Bailey tried to change her dirty diaper by herself. Fortunately, Joni intervened in time.

When we get into the car, Bailey likes to climb behind the wheel. She thinks she should be driving the car instead of riding in the back in a car seat.

Perhaps we shouldn't be surprised by Bailey's actions. Her favorite video tape, after all, is "Baby's Day Out."

In the movie, Baby Bink is kidnapped by three bumbling crooks. Bink, of course, escapes and proceeds to crawl all around the big city, dodging cars, construction equipment and the crooks all in one day.

I'm convinced Baby Bink is Bailey's role model.

While Bailey is trying to take charge of her life and ours, Becca has been paying close attention to the world around here. In other words, she's seen all those news accounts of the death of Princess Diana.

Joni and I watched part of the televised funeral procession Saturday, with its somber pageantry.

Bailey wanted to watch "Baby's Day Out" for the two millionth time. But we said, "No." Like everyone else, we wanted to see the funeral.

At one point during the proceedings, Becca asked, "Is Princess Diana a mermaid?"

"No," I said. "Why do you think that?"

"Because she is the Princess of Whales," Becca replied.

I had to admit, she had a point. Wales and whales sound the same. When you're in kindergarten, you know about whales. But you aren't expected to know about Wales. Besides, Princess Di had enough grace to be a grand mermaid, better even than that Disney heroine.

I wonder how many 5-year-olds around the world have concluded that Diana was a mermaid. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the tabloids pick up on this and run the untold story about Princess Diana, the mermaid. Perhaps they will interview some of the sad whales too.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.