MARK MY WORD: COPING WITH THE DOGGIE BLUES

Is your dog depressed? Is your pooch perturbed?

After a summer of romping around with the kids, dogs can become depressed when it is time for the youngsters to go back to school, the American Kennel Club says.

Personally, I find that hard to believe. After a whole summer of having one's tail pulled unmercifully and being jumped on by the neighborhood kids 500 times a day, I would imagine most dogs would be glad for some quiet time.

But how do you tell if your dog is disturbed or just weird. There are some warning signs.

1. A break in house training. Fido is chewing up too many rolls of toilet paper. Unfortunately, it is often difficult to tell if it is the dog or the 2-year-old that is to blame.

2. Unusual aggression. Your dog runs around armed with assault weapons and excess saliva.

3. Unusual shyness. Your poodle won't even wink at your neighbor's dachshund, much less wear a skirt.

4. More than the usual amount of barking. This one is particularly hard to discern unless you are a cat.

5. Erratic eating behavior. Your German shepherd won't eat red meat or the mailman's leg.

6. Destructive or self-destructive behavior. Your pet behaves like Cujo and you have a Chihuahua.

7. Not responsive to his name. Your dog starts acting like a 2-year-old child. My daughter, Becca, often seems deaf when I call her name. But at least she doesn't chase cats.

8. Lethargy. This is another tough one as many of man's best friends are furry couch potatoes. It is difficult to tell when they are napping or just down in the dumps.

But if your dog displays any of these warning systems or dresses up like Cat in the Hat, you should contact Dr. Ruth or a veterinarian.

The kennel club suggests pampering your pet or entering your pup in dog shows or schools. Sending your dog to college isn't an option unless you are a Georgia Bulldog.

I don't own a dog. My daughter is wary of them. All that barking bothers her. She can hear a dog bark clear across town, although she can't hear me call her for dinner.

But I can sympathize with America's dogs. It is tough having to be man's best friend all the time.

You have to fetch the newspaper and those stupid-looking slippers. No self-respecting cat would ever do such a thing.

Many owners like to take their dogs hunting. But what dog wants to trek through tick-infested woods to retrieve some dead rabbit when instead he could be journeying to the kitchen in air-conditioned comfort for some protein-enriched dog food?

It is enough to get any dog down.

But all you dogs should just remember, it could be worse. You could be standing at the bus stop like all those kids.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.