MARK MY WORD: CELLULAR PHONES JUST THE LATEST CAR DISTRACTION

Phone home. Just don't do it when you're driving, federal officials say.

Those fine folks at the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration are worried that we're too distracted when we drive our cars.

Of course, we are. But don't blame cellular phones. They're just the latest in a long line of distractions ranging from car stereos to fast food.

But as any parent will tell you, the biggest distraction is children.

You can't keep your eyes on the road alone. You have to keep constant checks on your children to make sure they aren't climbing over the back seat, fighting with their brother or sister or spilling some really sticky stuff all over the place.

You also have to take personal inventory of your kids' dolls and assorted toys that are along for the ride. If Bailey's Buddy Bear is lost in the car as we travel down the highway, I must try to scan the vehicle for the coveted item while also keeping my eyes on the road.

It's a tough task that ideally requires eyes in the back of your head and octopus arms. It takes skill and determination to keep the car square on the road while you deal with the lovable distractions in the back seat.

Parents pride themselves on their ability to handle three spilled drinks, two fights over a doll and a mountain-climbing expedition in their vans, and that's just on a trip to the grocery store.

But I worry when government officials become distracted about our distractions.

No doubt, it's only a matter of time until we get a warning label saying that carrying children around in our cars could be hazardous to our health.

Next thing you know, the government bureaucrats will want to take away our car radios and anything we hang on the rearview mirrors.

It just wouldn't be fun to drive a car without a few distractions. Besides, even with a few distractions, we drive a lot better than the French, who constantly steer themselves into a demolition derby.

It's hard enough being a parent without being told we need to worry about car distractions.

That only distracts us more and makes us want to get on the car phone and complain about it to friends and federal officials.

Besides, there is plenty to distract us in life before we ever set foot in the car.

Of course, if government is serious about tackling this car distraction issue, perhaps it should give us all chauffeurs or vehicles that have soundproof booths built into the passenger seats.

Otherwise, we must accept some distractions like portable television sets and tape players that make long trips with children seem like much shorter trips.

Frankly, if we eliminate all distractions, we'll never shift into high gear.

The bottom line is that Americans feel constitutionally entitled to be distracted. We have a right to phone home, at least when we aren't distracted by Buddy Bear searches.

My advice to the traffic safety folks is not to worry. As any dad will advise, you can always turn up the volume on the radio.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.