MARK MY WORD: CARING FOR TWO KIDS LEAVES MR. MOM COMATOSE

It's tough being Mr. Mom.

When my wife, Joni, left town for a few days last week to attend a business conference, I was left the task of being Mr. Mom to my two children.

With two kids in our family -- Becca, 4, and Bailey, 6 months -- I'm used to dealing with them on a one-on-one basis.

With Joni gone, I had to keep track of two children at the same time and still try to watch the NBA finals.

Actually, I had little time for TV. I was too busy changing diapers, feeding the girls, doing dishes, an emergency load of laundry and assorted other chores.

I also had to spend a lot of time on life's little warnings.

"Don't sit on your sister's head," I advised Becca as I raided the refrigerator for some left-over stuff to eat.

"Don't carry your sister down the stairs," I warned. "Don't wake up Bailey."

As any kid will tell you, there's a lot of don'ts out there.

Bailey, at her early age, didn't realize that dad was on his own.

Becca, on the other hand, was well aware of the situation. She knew I couldn't pass for mom. I don't look good in a dress.

"I want mommy. I want mommy," Becca chanted over and over, as if saying it would suddenly make mom appear.

Personally, I would have chanted too if I thought it would have helped.

On the first morning without mom, Becca complained that her stomach hurt and she wanted to stay home from day care.

I gave her a hug to reassure her, a Diet Coke to settle her stomach, and dropped her off at day care.

At that point, I needed a Coke to settle my stomach too.

Getting the kids dressed in the morning was a real chore. Bailey wasn't too bad. Put on a clean diaper and a one-piece outfit that snaps at the bottom, and Bailey is ready for the world.

But Becca has more clothes and more choices. She also doesn't like to get up in the morning.

Getting Becca up requires you to turn on the TV to full blast, switch on all the lights, and order up a major earthquake.

If that doesn't work, you resort to letting Bailey fall all over Becca. When the baby grabs Becca's hair, Becca wakes up.

During my tour of duty as Mr. Mom, I tried my best to keep Becca entertained.

It was tough because I couldn't fall back on the old videotapes since our VCR had just been zapped by lightning a week earlier.

We tried to play a board game. But every time we'd get going, Bailey would scream for a bottle, a diaper change or one of Becca's toys.

I had to keep close watch on Bailey, who is almost to the crawling stage.

She regularly gets up on all fours and rocks back and forth like a tire-stuck car. At times, she crouches with one foot stuck out like a soldier ready to pounce on the enemy.

She hasn't mastered crawling yet. But she has perfected the art of sprawling for toys.

She manages to sprawl forward, sit up and do it all over again. With any luck, she can drool on one of Becca's Barbie dolls before Becca rescues it for safe keeping.

Becca normally sleeps through the night. But one night during my tour of duty as Mr. Mom, Becca and Bailey took turns waking up all night long.

Both seemed wide awake the next morning, while I felt comatose.

Children never seem to realize they didn't sleep through the night. As a result, they feel fine.

Parents, on the other hand, know they haven't gotten any sleep and they feel lousy.

After several days of home-alone parenting, I was ready for adult company.

I packed up the kids and did what any self-respecting dad would do: I took them to visit the grandparents in St. Louis.

It's amazing how a little attention from grandma and grandpa will keep children happy.

At any rate, Joni flew into St. Louis at midnight Saturday and I eagerly picked her up.

Mom's return was great for the kids and a "happy Father's Day" relief for me.

It's tough stepping into mom's shoes, particularly since they are a few sizes too small for me.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.