MARK MY WORD: BIRTHDAY PARTY LEAVES 5-YEAR-OLD BOWLED OVER

Any self-respecting 5-year-old knows how to party.

Ask Bailey. Our youngest turned 5 this weekend. She celebrated in style with a bowling party with her friends.

Our party took up several lanes at the end of the bowling alley. You couldn't miss us. There were 10 kids there.

There could have been more, but neither Joni nor I demanded a recount. Besides, it doesn't take many pre-schoolers to turn any event into organized chaos. Florida lawyers may have felt right at home here.

This was bowling like you've never seen. With bumpers on either side of the lanes, the kids took turns rolling orange bowling balls toward the pins.

One neighbor boy used the race-up-to-the-line approach before dumping the ball onto the lane. He then proceeded to slide back to his seat, dusting the floor as he went.

The great thing about bowling at this age is that winning isn't everything. There's no need for manual vote counting. The bowling alley machines kept score, but no one was watching.

Waiting your turn was a tough concept, but the boys and girls just wanted to throw the bowling balls or roll them as the case may be.

The most important thing about pre-school bowling is what you do after you've rolled the ball down the lane and watched it make its zigzag journey toward the pins. Walking back to your seat is not an option. Only grown-ups would do such a thing.

Judging from Saturday's party, the preferred activity is to jump up and down with the same kind of enthusiasm that Rams' fans demonstrated during last year's Super Bowl.

Bailey was so busy running around she barely found time to bowl. Being the guest of honor is hard work.

Thankfully, a lot of the parents hung around. As it turned out, this party needed plenty of adult supervision just to keep all those orange bowling balls rolling in the right direction.

Fortunately, there were no recounts and things moved along.

The kids sat still long enough for Scooby-Doo birthday cake. Joni cut huge pieces of the cake in hopes there would be none left over. Even with all her skill and planning, we still had plenty of cake to take home.

Bailey opened her presents including the Kelly Petting Zoo at breakneck speed, ripping off wrapping paper as if it were just a bunch of ballot chads.

One of her presents was kiddie red finger nail polish, which clearly won style points with Bailey who had to get her fingernails painted soon after we returned home.

This was Bailey's second celebration in two days. Friday night we went out to a local restaurant, turning a section of the place into Party Central, complete with presents from her family.

One of her favorite presents was a Shop With Me Barbie cash register. It even comes with its own credit card and microphone for price checks.

Who says the economy is slowing down, Mr. Greenspan? At our home, retail business has never been so good. Becca and Bailey have no shortage of business. They bag up their play-store purchases in plastic shopping bags requisitioned from a kitchen cabinet.

As for the birthday bashes, they were a hit even with Bailey's sister, Becca.

"Is she permanently 5?" Becca asked Joni the other day. Joni told her that Bailey would be "permanently 5 until she is permanently 6," a permanence that Florida canvassing boards clearly would understand.

In the end, the party proved to be a huge success, with the kids taking home Scooby-Doo treat bags with bouncy balls for the boys and princess crowns for the girls.

Personally, we'd all be better off with treat bags. Just think, this whole presidential election controversy might have been avoided if we had just had a big treat bag for the losing candidate. That way, everyone could have gone home happy.