MARK MY WORD: BARBIE LOOKS AS GOOD AS EVER

After 35 years of beach parties, weddings, camping trips and just hangin' out, Barbie looks just as good as ever.

How does she do it? Not even Jane Fonda can stay in this good a shape.

I never realized just how many Barbie dolls there are until my daughter, Becca, got one.

In fact, Barbie wasn't invited to our house. She just showed up, complete with ice skates one day -- a present to Becca from friends.

Today, Becca has three Barbie dolls and assorted accessories.

I am always stepping on Barbie shoes, which seem to multiply on the living room floor. Not even Imelda Marcos could compete with Barbie when it comes to footwear.

I am afraid our house is doomed to become Barbie land, with a bevy of big-hair Barbie babes in every room.

If this were an American male's fairy tale, beach-party Barbie would come to life right there on the couch.

But this isn't a fairy tale. This is real life where Barbie is only 11 and a half inches tall, unless you are lucky enough to have the $130, 3-foot-tall "My Size Bride Barbie."

Personally, I prefer a taller woman.

At any rate, the world is full of Barbie dolls. Conveniently, Barbie comes with a full wardrobe, bathtub, kitchen, bed and skateboard.

She does laundry, washes dishes and she cooks. But she is no Susie Homemaker.

Judging from all those glittery dresses, she spends a lot of time going to parties.

Astronaut Barbie, for example, has both a space suit and a party dress -- just what you need for a night out on the moon.

There is Dr. Barbie, who comes complete with a stethoscope and a baby. There is no talk of health-care rationing here.

Barbie the police officer is dressed in a blue uniform, but she carries a dress just in case a riot of a party should break out. "We Girls Can Do Anything" it states boldly on the box.

When she isn't partying, this girl wants to help mankind. There are "Caring Careers" outfits to transform Barbie into a firefighter, teacher and veterinarian.

If you would rather invade Haiti, you might want to have the Army Barbie and Ken dolls at your side. They are dressed in crisp fatigues. The Barbie box points out that this couple has a "Rendezvous with Destiny."

President Clinton might want to adopt this phrase in future foreign policy addresses.

For those who want to communicate in simple sentences, there is the "Super Talk" Barbie who will reportedly say over 100,000 things whether you want her to or not.

"Let's get ice cream" or "I'd love to go hiking" are two of her favorite sayings. The Barbie box warns that some sentences may be similar. Ice cream and hiking are probably in almost every sentence, and she doesn't take no for an answer.

Barbie is one of those outdoors types. She has a whole bunch of camping accessories from tents to campers.

She is also into the health scene. She has a health club and even her own dance workout video.

Presumably, she works out at the health club so she can chow down at the "Barbie McDonald's Playset." It comes complete with a menu stand, takeout window, table and pretend food.

The fries are always cold, but at least you never run out.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.