MARK MY WORD: 1996 ARRIVED WITH A CHAMPAGNE-FREE BURP

Bailey burped in the New Year. And she didn't even have champagne.

When you're 3 weeks old, formula will do just fine.

Three-year-old Becca banged on pans. Joni and I just tried to stay awake.

When you're parents of young children, including a newborn, New Year's Eve is just like any other day, except that you have to put up with Dick Clark's smiling face on TV instead of a purple dinosaur.

Since Dick Clark always looks the same, you're never really sure if it's New Year's Eve 1995 or just a rerun from any of the previous 10 years.

Joni and I spent New Year's Eve eating dinner with friends. We were able to eat dinner because we were at our friends' house and they were holding the baby.

Becca stayed at home with a baby sitter and enough Barbie dolls to celebrate a whole bunch of new years.

Bailey managed to sleep through the televised Times Square countdown to the new year. But upon our return home, Bailey ushered in the new year with some hardcore fussing.

Joni and I resolved to steal some sleep in the new year whenever possible.

In ancient times, people performed rituals to do away with the past and get more sleep. They also resolved to use disposable diapers.

Some people put out the fires they were using and started new ones. Others just started new ones, despite the efforts of Smokey the Bear.

The ancient Persians gave New Year's gifts of eggs, which symbolized productiveness. Today, many people stay up late so they can go to one of those all-night diners and eat scrambled eggs.

Without New Year's Eve traditions like this, the scrambled-egg industry would be in shambles.

Many American colonists in New England celebrated the new year by drinking, shouting and firing guns, despite the efforts of civic leaders who advised citizens to have designated shooters.

Making noise always has been a big part of ushering in the new year, along with writing the wrong date on the first checks you write.

On New Year's Day, many Americans watch football games because they don't have any bullets left and they're tired of shouting.

In the early Roman calendar New Year's Day was March 1. But that made the college football season too long so it was changed to Jan. 1.

Somehow, Joni and I managed to usher in 1996 without singing "Auld Lang Syne" or watching a single, Barney tape.

We did, however, change Bailey's clothes and diapers; we threw a new burp cloth over our shoulders and warmed up a bottle.

And for now, at least, there's plenty to burp about.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.