Jurors need less testimony, more caffeine

Trial by jury is a bedrock of America's judicial system. But now it's being eroded by sleeping jurors.

A recent Associated Press story reported that a juror in Johnson County, Kan., was dismissed after falling asleep during testimony in a murder trial.

This never happens on "Perry Mason." But apparently it's a problem in real courtrooms.

Experts blame it on everything from boring testimony to the need for a post-lunch nap.

In a Vanderbilt University study, judges reported they had to deal with sleeping jurors in about 2,300 cases.

This is clearly a serious crisis. We can't have jurors sleeping through testimony, although I'm sure most Americans would prefer sleep over testimony from anyone in the Michael Jackson trial.

As an avid drinker of a certain soft drink, I recommend judges start letting jurors bring their convenience-store sodas or cups of coffee into the courtrooms.

I seldom show up for work without a soft drink in my hand.

Our whole society is built on caffeine. Without it, most Americans would fall asleep by noon. In the case of parents, we'd be comatose.

Secondly, there's no doubt there would be less chance of jurors falling asleep if attorneys would cut to the chase.

Lawyers should talk less and allow more time for commercials.

In today's television age, Americans are used to crime-solving sound bites.

Most of us don't believe a trial should be a marathon or a substitute for counting sheep.

We prefer all the evidence be discussed and the crime solved within an hour time frame.

Most of us don't want to listen to a whole horde of witnesses. We want frequent breaks. A little background music wouldn't hurt either. It also would help if we could have a program guide to remind us about the plot.

Maybe courtrooms are just too quiet.

I don't have that problem at home. My daughters can be quite noisy.

When Becca and Bailey aren't talking, they are watching television, playing on the computer or talking on the telephone.

On top of that, our dog, Cassie, loves to speak up. All that barking would wake up the dead or even bored jurors.

Perhaps we should just bring a few dogs and children into our courtrooms. That would liven up those trials that otherwise seem to just drag on and on.

Of course, even dogs and children would have a difficult time in California, where the legal system seems designed to make any trial last a lifetime.

Jury trials would be far more exciting if they were held in sports bars with a ton of TVs to distract us.

As Americans, we're used to distractions. We have trouble concentrating when things are too quiet.

Besides, if attorneys had to really compete for jurors' attention, they would do a better job of making their cases. They would get to the point sooner.

We want the CSI crew to explain how the carpet stain convicts the defendant. But we want it explained in low-tech words accompanied by videotape.

If that doesn't work, maybe judges will just have to start scheduling siestas so jurors can get their rest in trials that have become legal lullabies.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.