Junior high preparation the key to avoiding shy bladder

It isn't a fear of terrorists keeping some people from air travel this season, bringing financial ruin to the airline industry.

It isn't the minuscule seats or the threat of lost luggage.

It's something far more horrible, inconceivable even.

It's paruresis, and it's tearing our nation apart.

At least, that's what the most amazing press release I've received in my 14-year journalism career indicated. It arrived a couple weeks ago from The International Paruresis Association in Baltimore.

Paruresis, in simple terms, is a debilitating fear of public restrooms. The IPA claims the condition, also called shy bladder syndrome, is the second-most common social phobia, after the fear of public speaking.

How could that be measured? After all, a relatively small number of people are offered the opportunity to give speeches. I'd say there are entire professions whose members never will be called upon to speak publicly about anything. Given the opportunity, they might embrace the idea.

On the other hand, everybody gets the opportunity to use a public restroom. And if so many people are phobic about it, why am I always waiting in line for a toilet?

The release also states: "... For some, the thought of peeing anywhere except in their own bathroom at home is so terrifying that they decide not to travel long distances. ... Sometimes the condition can be so severe that marriages can be destroyed, jobs or promotions may be lost and people are tied like an unwilling umbilical cord to their own homes."

All that makes sense. Can you imagine a young couple in love discussing wedding plans? "Oh, Harold, I'd love to honeymoon in the Bahamas, but I'm not sure I can go a week without urinating."

And for a victim of shy bladder syndrome, the worst thing a boss could say is: "Jones, we're looking at 14-hour days until we get this project finished. Are you with me?"

The thing is, nobody thrills to the thought of a public toilet. I don't know how men's rooms are, but women can be very, very disgusting. Although it would seem a physical impossibility, they will urinate all over a toilet seat and leave it for the next person. They also try to flush all kinds of things that just aren't going to go down.

But that's life. You gather up some paper towels, hold your breath, go in, take care of business and then practically scrub the skin off your hands when it's all over.

I shared my views on the subject with a friend of mine in the office.

"It's not the germs," he said. "It's having people watch you. I can't go when people are watching me."

Excuse me. WHO IS WATCHING YOU IN THE BATHROOM? If you attempt to use the facilities and there's someone standing there acting as though you are the Sunday matinee, immediately alert the proper authorities.

Otherwise, I have been completely prepared for the possibility that someone might glance at me in a public restroom at an inopportune time. At Sikeston Junior High, there was an entire girls' restroom with only one stall with a door. The lucky girls got that. The rest of us tried to convince our friends to stand in the doorways facing out -- they served as mobile doors. And if your friends weren't around, that was just tough.

But I don't want to be heartless toward people who have this disorder, even though I am usually very thankful for public toilets instead of afraid of them. So, as a public service, I am passing along the self-test provided by the IPA.

Do you have a persistent fear or anxiety about using public restrooms?

Do you worry what other people are thinking when you are trying to urinate?

Does your fear or anxiety interfere with your job or social life?

Have you confirmed with your doctor that your inability to urinate in public restrooms does not have a physical cause?

If so, try www.paruresis.org. There aren't any support groups for Missouri listed, but you can get an IPA buddy.

Just don't try to take him into the bathroom with you.

Heidi Hall is managing editor of the Southeast Missourian.