How Cape cares makes it best

A consultant hired by the Cape Girardeau Convention and Visitors Bureau for lots of money says our town logo should be: "Where the river turns a thousand tales."

Perhaps a potential tourist would find that more intriguing than I do. The whole verb-object thing is just killing me. "Turns tales." Nobody turns tales. They tell tales, which means they lie. Or they turn tail and run, which means they're cowards.

So, for the bargain price of 50 cents, I am offering an alternative.

"The Best City on Earth."

Is that logo taken? Because if it isn't, we should get the rights to it immediately.

Some people might disagree. "The Best City on Earth?" they'd say. "What about New York? Los Angeles? Paris?"

Three answers: The Yankees. The smog. L'escargot.

Cape Girardeau is such a fine city that you almost forget the sinus troubles that strike the minute you cross into the city limits, turning an entire community into Allegra-D junkies.

The city's splendor lies in her balancing act between country living and cultural opportunities.

The country living part includes rolling pastures and Mississippi River views that don't include smokestacks. Drive 15 minutes north of the city, and you're hiking through Trail of Tears State Park.

It includes safe schools -- I have to laugh when anyone complains about them. People from Cape Girardeau have no idea how frightening a school can be.

And it includes the most wonderful people on Earth. You tell them it will take $60,000 in cash and toys so local children can have a nice Christmas, and they dump off their donations in droves.

You tell them that a disabled boy needs a trained dog so he'll have something to pet instead of hurting himself, and they come up with $9,000 in a couple of weeks.

Businesses are struggling to hang on until the economy has a lasting upturn, and Southeast Missouri residents donate more than $1 million to the Area Wide United Way for the first time in the organization's 49-year history.

But it isn't just about money. It's the way people smile at each other for no reason. It's the way they offer to help when you have a flat. It's how they show up with covered dishes and hugs when a loved one dies.

And then there's the cultural side. The gallery openings. The plays. The live music in our parks. The free lectures at Southeast Missouri State University. Having that institution here allows so many opportunities.

So why would anyone want to leave?

While friendly Cape Girardeau always will have my heart, insane Florida has my mind right now. For a news junkie, it's the greatest. Think about how many weird stories you've heard out of Florida in the past six months.

And it's warm there. Real warm. Mmmmmmm.

So I'm going to temporarily forget the giant cockroaches and crazy drivers and mysterious pink mold I discovered when I lived there before and take a job as an assistant metro editor for the Tampa Tribune. I start Jan. 5. And I'm taking The Other Half with me to help fight the cockroaches.

But I'll keep writing. And I'll always be nice, Cape Girardeau style.

Heidi Hall is managing editor of the Southeast Missourian.