Festival basks in gritty success

Americans have no trouble finding reasons to party, even gritty ones.

The folks in the small town of St. George, S.C., annually host the World Grits Festival.

Thousands of people flock to this small town in mid-April to celebrate the virtue of grits.

Personally, I can't think of anything more disturbing than a grits festival.

In case you can't tell, I'm morally opposed to grits. My wife, Joni, loves a good plate of grits.

But I'm not convinced of the merits of grits even if they're smothered in cheese.

I don't think I'll ever get the taste for grits.

Still, plenty of people eat grits in St. George. They also party in it.

The highlight of the festival is the rolling-in-the-grits competition. A kiddie pool is filled with grits and contestants dive in and coat themselves with as much grits as possible. Contestants wear big hats and loose pants with lots of pockets. That's because the person with the most pounds of grits on his or her body wins the cash prize.

I have no desire to splash around in a pool of grits. But plenty of people seem to love it.

Americans eat about 100 million pounds of grits annually and in every state of the union.

My mother tried to instill a love of grits in me when I was a child. But I found it to be less than appetizing. Grits rank along with rice cakes on my list of not-to-eat foods.

In addition to splashing around in grits, festival goers can enjoy the Miss Grits beauty contest. Personally, I can't imagine any good-looking gal wanting to claim the Miss Grits title.

My wife tells me that when it comes to grits, I need to wake up and realize that it is a delicacy. I can't imagine that to be the case. There's nothing remotely delicate about a plate of grits.

Still, I appreciate the fact that plenty of people want to embrace grits if only as an excuse to party.

Neither of my daughters is eager to consume grits either. Bailey would rather attend a jelly bean festival or jump into a pool of diet soda. As for Becca, nothing could compare with a bread-sliced-bagel festival. She's a regular customer at one local restaurant known for its bagels.

While I'm not ready to eat grits, I will concede that some presidential candidates might win a few votes by flopping around in a pool of this stuff.

Trust me, if this were New Hampshire the candidates would be standing in line for the chance. In New Hampshire, presidential campaigns are a tourist attraction.

But as far as I know, swimming in grits hasn't become a campaign-trail necessity in St. George.

Maybe the fine folks in St. George should start inviting presidential candidates to the event. If nothing else, it would give the candidates a chance to show true grit.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.