Don't yearn for what used to be

By Ellen Shuck

If you look back, what do you see? Do you see a bag-full of happenings and experiences you've learned from -- or do you feel the load of regrets? Do you wish for what used to be, for times gone by, the people who are gone, former neighborhoods, states of health or happier times in general?

Step back and look at your past. When you were living during those times, how did it feel? Ask yourself, did you realize, during those moments you now perceive as having been so great, how sensational they were? Or did you think those times were normal, sometimes boring, often sad, highly stressful, as well as happy?

The grass does seem greener on the other side of the fence. But is it really? I think not. Since life is what you perceive it to be, you will notice it is seen differently with every person. Everyone looks at the world and circumstances through variously colored lenses. Everyone lives within his own mental persona. Situations appear more vivid and clearly defined to some. To others, they are merely bumps in the road.

Norman was residing in an independent living situation, within a very nice apartment duplex. He also enjoyed a neighbor with whom he shared many interests, and the two enjoyed the mutual company immensely. However, while Norman resided in that setting, he complained constantly, although the people around were friendly and accommodating. What was outside his windows was better than what was inside. He visualized how much better life would be elsewhere and he let everyone know it.

Norman fell one day and was forced into an assisted living facility. That, too, offered a nice environment with skilled staff to take care of his needs and desires. Just as was the case in his previous setting of the apartment duplex, Norman visualized, now, that the apartment looked much better. He wished he were back, and went about his business of seeing what he could find wrong with his present place of residence. Eventually, Norman fell and broke a bone.

The accident forced the man to move to a hospital for surgery and then to a rehabilitation center. As usual, the first thing Norman said to those who visited him was, "I don't like it here." Now he can't wait to return to his former place in assisted living.

It's a tendency of human nature to always be looking for something they think will make them happier. The way to offset this frame of mind is to live in the present.

This scenario isn't meant to condemn making changes or wanting to experience various places, occupations or friends.

During a recent visit, and listening to him complain about his present environment, I dared to voice the opinion, "Norman, you are failing to see the blessings you have."

His comment was, "I don't have any."

I about fell off the chair on which I was sitting. I proceeded to list some to him, without sounding preachy. I felt he was so fortunate. He can't bring back the days when his wife was alive, when he was young and healthy and able to be completely independent.

He has to live as he is, but take notice that he lives in a beautiful, comfortable and friendly environment. Norman also has many visitors, all who try to appease his every desire and need.

He is taken out very frequently. Norman is missing a lot of happiness and joy by finding the bad in his life rather than seeing the good. He wants the present to be like the past. The past is skewed toward idealism. It, too, had its burdens and sorrows. You tend to forget the disagreeable sometimes, about what is gone, and sugar-coat its reality.

A scripture I find calming is, "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).