Dad survives roller-coaster of a weekend

Fear was churning in my stomach. And that's before we crashed head-long down the first hill on a roller coaster.

There's something about roller coasters that makes me suspect that they were thought up by professional torture experts, probably relatives of those who practiced their craft during the Spanish Inquisition.

My wife, my daughters, a friend of the girls, and I spent the Labor Day weekend relaxing at an Ohio amusement park.

Actually, I'm not sure I would call it relaxing when you're racing down hill with only a roller-coaster car and the soundness of the track standing between you and certain destruction.

But there I was, holding onto the bar for dear life.

My wife, Joni, and our oldest daughter, 13-year-old Becca, get a huge thrill out of riding roller coasters.

They got a lot of thrills at Cedar Point, which boasts 16 roller coasters including one that wasn't working.

That one shoots you straight up a track that seemingly has you headed to outer space in a matter of seconds. Several regular riders confided that it routinely is out of commission.

Who are these people who think up these thrill rides anyway?

Fortunately, our youngest daughter, 9-year-old Bailey, was on the trip. She would only ride the tamer roller coasters. Naturally, I volunteered to accompany her on those rides.

That way I didn't have to subject myself to the sheer horror of coasters like Millennium Force which drops you 300 feet on a steep track in seconds.

Joni insists it's the smoothest roller coaster she's ever ridden. I can't imagine describing such a descent as smooth.

Joni confided that a 65-year-old guy told her it's best to ride in the front car.

I can't envision even being on a roller coaster at retirement age, much less riding in the first car.

Apparently, he wasn't the only senior citizen to ride the coasters. Joni said other riders told her of an 81-year-old man whose goal was to ride all of the roller coasters at Cedar Point.

I can't imagine doing such a thing unless I was entirely senile. But I'm not senile, which is why I prefer the smaller roller coasters: The shorter the drop, the better.

Still, I was proud of myself for even getting on a single roller coaster. I couldn't stay on the ground, not when Joni, Becca, Bailey and Allie all were standing in line for one of those thrill rides.

I ended up riding about four of the roller coasters, which is a record for me.

Some of them I actually liked, which probably means my brain was scrambled on the first ride.

The amusement park is at Sandusky, Ohio, right on Lake Erie. If you can get past the roller coasters without feeling sick, you can really enjoy the view.

We rented a cottage right along the rocky shore. Behind the cottage, roller coasters towered over the landscape.

I convinced Bailey to spend part of one day at the nearby beach rather than rolling all over the place on a thrill ride. Bailey loves the water. But even she was soon drawn back to the amusement park and the Iron Dragon roller coaster.

When you drive over 600 miles to get to an amusement park, you want to get your money's worth.

Still, it's tough for me to pay money to feel queasy.

Of course, it was a lot better when I removed my glasses. When it comes to roller coasters, I'd just as soon not see the horror too clearly.

I was thrilled just to survive the weekend without needing an ambulance.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.