Children have defining way with moms

Children have a way of putting things in perspective.

A friend of mine recently e-mailed me the answers of second graders to the following questions.

* Why did God make mothers?

She's the only one who knows where the Scotch tape is. Mostly to clean the house. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

* How did God make mothers?

He used dirt, just like the rest of us. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

* What ingredients are mothers made of?

God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

* Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

We're related. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

* What kind of little girl was your mom?

I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. They say she used to be nice!

* What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

His last name. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say no to drugs and yes to chores?

* Why did your mom marry your dad?

My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot. She got too old to do anything else with him. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

* Who is the boss at your house?

Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof-ball. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

* What's the difference between moms and dads?

Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just go to work at work. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power because that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep at your friend's. Moms have magic. They make you feel better without medicine.

* What does your mom do in her spare time?

Mothers don't do spare time. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

* What would it take to make your mom perfect?

On the inside, she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. Diet, you know, her hair.

* If could change one thing about your mom what would it be?

She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

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Children define parents in simple terms.

You don't need a costly government study to analyze mothers, just the perceptive remarks of a bunch of second graders.

As for dads, it's clear we need some better PR.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.