A HARTE APPETITE: NONTAXING RECIPES FOR TAX DAY

There's a story making the rounds about the bartender who was so proud of his strength that he made a standing offer of $1,000 to anyone who could squeeze another drop of juice from a lemon after he had finished with it. He would ceremoniously squeeze the lemon catching its juice in a glass. Then he would present the crushed fruit to his customers challenging them to extract another drop. Anyone who could, would win the money.

One day a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit came into the bar and said in a squeaky voice, "I've heard about your lemon challenge. I'd like to give it a try." The rest of the customers in the bar laughed openly, but the bartender grabbed a lemon, squeezed it, and handed the wrinkled remains to the little man. He clenched it in his small fist, exerted pressure, and soon six more drops of juice fell into the glass. The crowd of customers fell silent in astonishment and then broke out into a loud cheer.

As the bartender handed over the $1,000 to the little man, he asked him, "What do you do for a living?" Smiling as he pocketed the money, the man replied, "I work for the IRS!"

That story may have particular resonance today, tax day, especially if you are one of the more than 35 million taxpayers who will wait until nearly midnight tonight to drop their completed returns in the mailbox. The IRS expects an additional 6 million or more to apply for a four-month extension.

Taxes and tax collectors have never been popular with the American people. As Mark Twain put it, the difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist only takes the skin. Will Rogers echoed a similar sentiment when he observed that the difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. Such views are hardly surprising. After all, we fought a revolution over the subject of taxes and not long after we won our freedom from Great Britain, George Washington had to quell the Whiskey Rebellion, a series of riots prompted by Alexander Hamilton's excise tax of 1791. And long before that, tax resistors such as William Tell and Lady Godiva had become popular heroes.

But despite this attitude, the income tax, called by Albert Einstein of all people "the hardest thing in the world to understand," apparently is here to stay, for it is hardly a new idea. Though in this country it was only permanently instituted as recently as 1913 with ratification of the 16th Amendment to the Constitution, as Michael Barone points out, governments have historically taxed incomes when a high level of commercial development is reached, i.e., when many citizens have cash incomes, and during wartime. Thus, America's first experience with the income tax came during the Civil War. As a concept, however, the income tax can be traced at least as far back as the 1200s when the Italian city-states levied a tax called the dazio. It has been gaining momentum ever since.

So like it or not, April 15 will probably continue to be a date most Americans dutifully observe but few celebrate. And on this day what could be more welcome or appropriate than dishes that are simple and easy to prepare, dishes which are not demanding, trying or laborious, dishes which are, in contrast to the day itself, not taxing! The following recipes fill the bill. Each has limited ingredients, requires no complicated techniques and can be put on the table in a matter of minutes. To borrow a term from the IRS, these are recipes which are EZ.

Pasta with Tomatoes and Four Cheeses

We've been making this wonderful pasta dish at our house for over a decade, ever since we first ran across it in an issue of Bon Appetit magazine. It's so simple you don't even have to cook the sauce.

Ingredients:

2 3/4 pounds diced tomatoes

1/2 cup shredded fresh basil

1 1/2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt

1 large garlic clove, minced

1 cup ricotta cheese, room temperature

2 tablespoons whipping cream

fresh ground pepper

fresh ground nutmeg

2 ounces (1/2 cup) Fontina cheese, diced

2 ounces (1/2 cup) mozzarella cheese, diced

1 pound rotelle or other short pasta

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:

Combine first 4 ingredients in bowl and let stand 1 to 2 hours, stirring occasionally. Fluff ricotta with fork and thin to creamy consistency with cream. Season with pepper and nutmeg. Mix in Fontina and mozzarella. Let stand at room temperature while cooking pasta. Drain most of liquid from tomatoes, leaving just enough to keep moist. Cook pasta until tender but firm to bite. Drain well. Add cheese mixture and toss until cheese begins to melt. Spoon tomato mixture over top. Toss at table and sprinkle each serving with Parmesan. Serves 4.

Paella Rapida

Traditional paella, that magnificent dish from Spain, can be a lot of trouble to make, but not in this streamlined recipe from Eating Well magazine which, because it substitutes smoked mussels for the customary pork sausage, is also low in fat.

Ingredients:

2 cups defatted reduced-sodium chicken stock

1/4 teaspoon saffron threads, crushed, or pinch powdered

1 tablespoon olive oil

1/2 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined

1/2 lb. boneless, skinned chicken breast, cut into 1/2-inch thick strips

salt and pepper to taste

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 (14 1/2 ounce) can tomatoes with juice

1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 cup arborio rice

1 cup artichoke hearts, canned in water or frozen and thawed

1 cup frozen peas, thawed

1/3 cup bottled roasted red pepper, cut into strips

1/3 cup smoked mussels (2 ounces) not packed in oil

Directions:

Bring chicken stock and saffron to simmer and set aside. In large nonstick skillet, heat 1 teaspoon oil over high heat, add shrimp, and saute until pink, 3 to 4 minutes, and set aside. Add 1 teaspoon oil to skillet and saute chicken until lightly browned and opaque, 3 to 4 minutes. Remove from skillet. Season chicken and shrimp with salt and pepper. Reduce heat to medium and add remaining 1 teaspoon oil, stir in onions and garlic and saute until softened. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons water if they become too dry. Stir in tomatoes and pepper flakes, simmer uncovered for 3 minutes, breaking up tomatoes with a wooden spoon. Add rice and stir to coat well with tomato mixture. Stir in stock, bring to a simmer, and cook covered over low heat for 20 minutes. Gently stir in artichoke hearts, peas, red peppers, and mussels and cook covered for 5 to 10 minutes until rice is tender and shrimp and chicken are heated through, stirring occasionally. Serves 4.

Light Orange Souffle

This foolproof and ridiculously easy recipe is from one of my favorite cookbooks, Pierre Franey Cooks with His Friends, a gorgeous compendium based on the late French chef's last PBS cooking series. The recipe, which defies the souffle's reputation as a difficult dessert, is low in fat (it uses no egg yolks) and, when coupled with a good chocolate sauce, positively sublime.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup good quality chunky orange marmalade

1 tablespoon Grand Marnier

4 large egg whites

confectioners' sugar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray four 1-cup souffle molds with cooking spray and dust with sugar. Using wire whisk combine marmalade and Grand Marnier. Beat egg whites until they form soft peaks. Fold the whites into the marmalade mixture, blending well. Spoon into prepared molds and level with a spatula. Make a channel around the edge of the molds using a thumb. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. Sprinkle with confectioners' sugar and serve immediately with warm chocolate sauce. (Make a hole in center of souffle and pour in sauce.)

Got a recipe you'd like to share with our readers? Are you looking for a recipe for something in particular? Send your recipes and requests to A Harte Appetite, c/o The Southeast Missourian, P.O. Box 699, Cape Girardeau, MO., 63702-0699 or by e-mail to tharte@semovm.semo.edu.

~Tom Harte is a professor at Southeast Missouri State University and writes a food column every other week for the Southeast Missourian.