SAVING MARRIAGES REQUIRES BIG COMMITMENT

Considering the oft-quoted and absolutely true statistic that half of all marriages in this country end in divorce, it was admirable for the Cape Girardeau Ministerial Alliance to implement the Marriage Savers program four years ago.

The clergy developed a community marriage policy in 1996 aimed at decreasing the divorce rate through pre-marital counseling.

Basically, the proram requires couples to go through at least four months of sessions with ministers before they are allowed to wed inside a local church. Nearly three-quarters of the city's churches adopted the policy.

Most areas that have implemented Marriage Savers have seen about a 6 percent drop in divorces, said program founder Michael McManus. Not so for Cape Girardeau, where there were 402 divorces the year the program started and 520 in 1999 -- a 29 percent increase.

Can ministers be blamed for this? Of course not. All they can do is require pre-marital counseling at their own churches. Remember, a quarter of churches don't have this caveat. And then there are those who opt for weddings performed by judges, where there's no mention of religion during the ceremony, never mind months of Bible-based counseling beforehand.

And much rides on the couples and their view of marriage. How often have betrothed men and women cracked: "Well, if it doesn't work out, we can just get a divorce!" If they were honest with themselves, they would have to admit that they've seriously considered the option.

Who can blame them? We live in an era with 1-800-DIVORCE lines promising quick endings to bad marriages and $200 divorce kits if you want to do your own. The recorder of deeds in Cape Girardeau County routinely sees men and women on their third, fourth and fifth marriages, some of whom have yet to seek counseling despite the certainty that they will continue to fail in relationships.

Marriage Savers is an excellent idea, but it only works if couples use it. If engaged men and women don't want a religious bent to the counseling, area therapists welcome the chance to counsel them beforehand on what to expect out of marriage.

But make no mistake, marriage is a religious institution that started with the joining of the first man and woman. And marriages today should be just as sacred as the one God performed.