IF YOU CAN'T COUNT, HIRE ILLEGAL ALIENS WHO CAN

Whenever Americans voice their exasperation with government, there is usually a good reason. Several readers of the Southeast Missourian have expressed what might charitably be called taxpayer outrage at the notion that the Census Bureau would hire illegal immigrants to help count noses during the U.S. census this year.

Census Bureau representatives have been trumpeting the need for a 100 percent count in the 2000 census. At civic-club meetings and in numerous press releases, these officials have said again and again that an incomplete census means lost federal revenue to state and local governments. As previously reported, the census in rural areas like Southeast Missouri was virtually 100 percent complete in 1990, and there is little reason to expect it won't be again this year. Urban areas, however, are another matter.

So is counting illegal immigrants. In its wisdom, the federal government has repeatedly found ways to extend all the benefits and privileges of U.S. citizenship to illegal immigrants, no matter what the cost.

There is, somehow, a puzzling contradiction in spending millions of dollars to stem the tide of illegal immigrants and, at the same time, spend millions of census dollars trying to count them so they can receive government-funded benefits.

And it is almost beyond comprehension why the Census Bureau or any other government agency would want to hire illegal immigrants to assist with the counting.

Officially, the Census Bureau says the importance of counting everyone, legal or illegal, is paramount. And the government knows that illegal immigrants aren't likely to be willing participants in a census. Moreover, some of the immigrants won't be able to fill out the census forms and wouldn't trust just anyone from the Census Bureau to help out. So, in some cases, illegal immigrants will be hired to assist other illegal immigrants in doing the paperwork.

Are you exasperated yet?

No one believes counting everyone in the United States is an easy task. Inaccuracies have existed in every census since the first one in 1790. But it's hard to believe the government would go to such lengths to make its every-10-year head count.

And there's another oddity in the census process. The Constitution plainly mandates a head count. But, knowing how difficult it is to count everyone, there are some in government who would prefer to make a statistical count using computer programs. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled on that very issue last year, saying a head count must be done. So what does Congress do? It authorizes spending for the head count and a statistical count. In fact, the Census Bureau used the statistical method to determine the 1990 head count in Southeast Missouri that was so complete.

The census comes along every 10 years. Just think of all the other reasons to be exasperated with government on a daily basis.