If Utopia exists, please drop me a line

After 20 years in Cape Girardeau, you would think we would be used to everything that causes allergies in these parts.

Sure, we had allergies -- minor ones -- when we lived in other parts of the country. And we've lived in just about every part over the years.

But the past few years in Cape Girardeau have been unbearable when it comes to clogged sinuses, sore throats, bronchitis and persistent coughing.

Even doctors call this stuff "the Cape crud." They should know. It cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars to become qualified to make this diagnosis.

There is no explanation for why it's so much worse nowadays. My wife and I are among those who have been laid low for several weeks by the crud.

There is, of course, a connection between the crud and all the beautiful spring blossoms we would be enjoying if we could see through our watery eyes or smell anything.

During a conversation with our son in the Seattle area, we wondered out loud if there might be a "perfect place" to live. And, if so, we are ready to move there.

We spent a while listing what a perfect place would have. Or not have, as it turns out.

No spring or fall pollen woes was at the top of the list.

No tornadoes.

No hurricanes.

No floods.

No earthquakes.

And that's just for starters.

There was a brief lull in the conversation while we all tried to think of where such a place might be. Finally, our son made a suggestion.

"Would you consider Minot, North Dakota?"

Well, frankly, no.

In our lifetimes my wife and I have been in just about every state of the union except Hawaii. And North Dakota. We came close last year when we spent a week in South Dakota. We enjoyed that trip, but so far we haven't felt any compelling tug to drive back to North Dakota. The smart thing would have been to visit both Dakotas at the same time. But we didn't. What were we thinking?

Meanwhile, every place we think of has a drawback or two. Take Florida, for instance. I don't have a real sense of security in a state where the highest mountain peak is approximately three feet above sea level.

I love the Colorado mountains, but would I want to spend an entire winter there?

We both love the Oregon coast and at one time thought that's where we would head in retirement. But there are reasons -- mostly picky little things -- that hold us back. For one thing, real estate along the coast is incredibly expensive. And if you're going to live "on the coast," don't you want to be able to see the ocean?

And then it begins to dawn on us. We chose to move to Cape Girardeau 20 years ago. I was somewhat familiar with the town, having grown up not too far away in the Ozarks over yonder. My wife remembered visiting Cape Girardeau as a member of the Division of Youth Services board. She was charmed by the town and its people.

So we thought we would come for a few years before making the next move. That had been our pattern in the first 30 years of marriage. But moving starts to take its toll after a certain age. We liked Cape Girardeau even more after we had been here a few years. We thought our next move might be in retirement. But here we are. Still.

As it turns out, Cape Girardeau is just about the best place we can think of to be. If we want the Rockies, we can visit. If we want the seashore, we can get to Oregon in one day.

But then there's the crud. We haven't figured out what to do about that. Our son in Boston is high on Tucson, Ariz. He thinks that might be the right place for allergy sufferers like his parents.

"You don't have to move there," he said. "Just go when your allergies flare up in Cape."

Children are always so much smarter than their parents. They see things more clearly. They should be listened to when they give advice.

Look at those last three sentences. Does it take every parent 40 years or more to figure this out?

In the meantime, if you know of anyplace better than Cape Girardeau, please let me know. We can always visit there, too.

Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian.