Daughter's attitude will improve as she matures

Dear Dr. Dobson: My 16-year-old daughter is driving me crazy. She is sassy, noisy and selfish. Her room looks like a pigpen and she won't work any harder in school than absolutely necessary to get by. Everything I taught her, from manners to faith, seems to have sailed through her ears. What in the world do my husband and I do now?

Dear Reader: I'm going to offer you some patented advice that may not make sense or seem responsive to the problem you've described. But stay with me. The most important thing you can do for your daughter is to just get her through it. The concept is a bit obscure so let me make an effort to explain it.

Imagine your daughter riding in a small canoe called "Puberty" on the Adolescent River. She soon comes to a turbulent stretch of whitewater that rocks her little boat violently. There is a danger that she will capsize and drown. Even if she survives today's rapids, she will certainly be caught in swirling currents downstream and plunge over the falls. That is the apprehension harbored by millions of parents with teens bouncing along on the wild river. It's the falls that worry them most.

Actually, the typical journey down the river is much safer than believed. The water eventually changes from frightening rapids to tranquility once more. I believe your daughter is going to be OK even though she is now splashing and thrashing and gasping for air. Her little boat is more buoyant than you might think.

Yes, a few individuals do go over the falls, usually because of drug abuse or other addictive behavior. But most will regain their equilibrium in a few years. In fact, the greatest danger of sinking a boat could come from ... parents!

Dear Dr. Dobson: I am suspicious that my 16-year-old son may be using some kind of illegal drugs. Can you summarize the most common symptoms of drug abuse for me? What should I look for?

Dear Reader: A complete answer to that question would fill a book, because there are so many illegal substances on the market today and each has its own characteristic "fingerprint." But there are eight common physical and emotional symptoms you might look for in your son:

1. Inflammation of the eyelids and nose is common. The pupils of the eyes are either wide or small.

2. Extremes of energy may be evident. Either the individual is sluggish, gloomy and withdrawn, or he may be loud, hysterical and jumpy.

3. The appetite is extreme -- either great or poor. Weight loss may occur.

4. The personality suddenly changes; the individual may become irritable, inattentive and confused, or aggressive, suspicious and explosive.

5. Body and breath odor is often bad. Cleanliness is generally ignored.

6. Diarrhea, nausea and vomiting may occur. Headaches and double vision are also common. Other signs may include change in skin tone and body stance.

7. Needle marks on the body, usually appearing on the arms, are an important symptom. These punctures sometimes appear as sores and boils.

8. Moral values often crumble and are replaced by new, avant-garde ideas and values.

You might stop by to see the officer in charge of narcotics enforcement for your local police department for more specific information.

Send your questions to Dr. James Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80903. Dobson is the chairman of the board for Focus on the Family.