You have to do what you have to do

Everyone has wished they were somewhere else, performing a different job or had more time to do what they "really wanted to do." Although it may sound like you're complaining, that isn't necessarily true. You know you are doing what you need to be doing right now.

But what's wrong with wanting to head in a different direction, to progress? What attitude ought you assume while you seem to be only treading water, waiting to get to shore?

During a conversation with a relative, Emma, whose husband is in the nursing home, I heard her solution to life's realism. Emma visits her husband almost every day when she can, trying to add some joy to his life. The days become humdrum. There's little she can do except add her presence to help fill his hours and attend to many of his personal needs. Nevertheless, one can only imagine the sacrifice she makes out of love and a sense of doing what's right.

As we talked that day, I told her about some circumstances in my life that were not as I would have chosen. I, too, had to make adjustments and do the best I could to stay afloat until changes were possible.

But right now, I told Emma, I was doing what was needed for the other people involved. I was attempting to treat the people involved as I would like to be cared for -- out of love.

Emma pondered awhile and then thoughtfully commented, "Well, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do." She had no explanation, either, for life's puzzles. I doubt she knew the effect the statement had on me, but I knew I was meant to hear that apparently ordinary declaration.

As I contemplated the advice, I concluded it implied something similar to the Serenity Prayer. That prayer asks God to allow one to change what he can, accept what he can't change and have the wisdom to know the difference. In other words, accept what comes to you, knowing there isn't much you can do about it at the time. The difference was that God was included in the picture. Without adding God to the maze, life could, indeed, seem futile. But when one remembers that "Everything works to the good for those who love God and are called to his purpose for them"(Romans 8:28), a different light is cast on any state of affairs.

Everything changes when you realize that although what you're going through is unpleasant and seems unbearable, good eventually comes. When you least expect it, things turn around and you're free at last to pursue your dreams. It's better to do what you have to do and hope for better times ahead than to walk away from responsibilities and feel guilty later.

Lives are filled with less-than-joyful experiences, and plans do not always work out as one anticipates. It's kind of like fishing. You throw your line out and bring home a large catch. The next time, even though you use the same bait, hook and spot, your stringer remains empty. Regardless of the outcome, you have to continue fishing.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.