Wisdom from a cow

I love cows. We have some on our farm, and I love walking through our fields talking to them. Sometimes, I stop and stretch out my hand to one of them. I hope she lets me make contact with her so I can show her my admiration for all she does through a touch on her nose or side. She looks at me with curiosity in her eyes. She hesitantly approaches with cautious steps. Usually, she's really just not sure.

I tell her I'm not going to hurt her. That I think she is beautiful. That it's OK, she can trust me. I ask if she wants to touch my hand, while I wait there with it, outstretched. Most of the time the cow's answer is no, and the thing is, I am OK with that. When they walk away after some consideration out of fear of me or disinterest, it doesn't hurt my feelings or make me angry. I respect their autonomy and right to choose not to trust me. It almost makes me love them more, these big, beautiful creatures in their shyness and uncertainty.

It occurred to me the other day: in the same way that I am willing to wait for these cows to trust me and receive my love, Jesus is willing to wait for me.

Father Bill always told us to think about the person who loves you best. He said through knowing this person's love, we know that God loves us at least that much and more because God is the perfect lover. If you think about the person whom you love best and most selflessly, we know that God must love us at least as much, too.

In the same way, cows show me how Jesus must feel about me, how he must love me when I am too timid to approach his outstretched hand. When all he wants is to make contact with me and I am just unsure. When he reaches out and I just don't know enough to come closer. It is okay. He will try again. And keep loving me all the same.

Of course, Jesus is infinitely more faithful with me than I am with our cows.

My dad spends a lot of time in our fields with our cows. He feeds them and takes care of them and waters them when they are penned in the barn lot, painstakingly making sure they have everything they need. He gives his time to them. In return, our cows trust him and follow him when he comes into the field. It is a reminder to me that my response of faithfulness to God comes out of God's initiation of faithfulness to and provision for me.

Spiritual director Rachelle Linner wrote, "We can't force grace." It seems all we can do is ask for it and also ask for the grace to be open to receive it when it is given. It is all gift. Our job is to be ready and willing to receive grace so we can move forward when we see Jesus' outstretched hand and to know that even if we back away instead, he's coming back into the field with us to provide for us and coax us to him with his tender, gentle love.