When everything around you changes

When a marriage fails -- when two people fall out of love with one another -- it is seen by some as a sin.

To others, it may seem like they simply took "the easy way out." But to people like me -- to the families who have experienced firsthand what it's like to live in a house full of bitterness and lost hope -- divorce can be the one last thing that brings your life together again.

In the summer of 1994, after 26 years of marriage, my father began packing his things. Apartment No. 8 across the railroad tracks was waiting for him. I knew a day like this was going to come. After months of hearing them scream and holler at one another, I knew -- although I didn't quite understand the concept of divorce -- that two people who fought like this could never stay together, much less love each other.

I would sit in my room for hours, playing with toy cars to distract myself from the harsh tones of their voices. My sister, who was fortunate enough to have friends old enough to drive real cars, would take refuge elsewhere. After a while, I'd hear my dad's Blazer roar away to who-knows-where so that he could do "some thinking." When the dust settled, after all things that could be said were said and my dad had run out of things to think about, they individually sat me down and explained what was going to happen. Dad was moving out. But don't worry -- he's still going to be close. I was going to live in the house. They still loved each other, but in a different way. Nothing's going to change.

But it did. Everything did.

Moving out didn't help. The arguments continued as usual. Custody battles, child support issues, who should get what, who was the better parent, visitation rights, go to hell, no, you go to hell.

As the years passed and the tension between my parents grew nauseatingly awkward, I would attempt to see my dad every other weekend. This grew harder and harder to accomplish, however, when my mom remarried and we moved. We left that familiar house on Kramer Street and moved into a strange new house in a strange new town, where I was to start school in the fall and make friends with strangers. Eventually these strangers would become lifelong friends, and this town is what I call home.

Although many tears have been shed, my family's dissoultion made me realize that sometimes families just aren't meant to stay together, and that when people change, there's nothing you can do but let go. The important thing is that everyone is happy where they're at in their lives right now, and at this point, I really am, too.

I can't imagine where I would be had my parents not divorced. Do I think we'd be happy? No. Do I regret anything that's come out of it? No. Is it scary to know that you can be married to someone for 26 years and then one day realize you can no longer look at them? Yes. But I suppose that's the way life is.

Contact Sam at sdereign@semissourian.com