What's in it for me?

"It's more blessed to give than to receive" is a Scripture passage (Acts 20:35) I couldn't agree with as a youth. I wondered how it could possibly be better to give something away (unless one didn't want it) than to receive help or a desired object. Children can be expected to have that attitude because they're totally dependent on others for their existence, but what about adults? They know they should be charitable but often wonder "What's in it for me?"

So I decided to explore the implications of what was in it for me when it came to giving. We often have ulterior motives for giving, like occasionally assuring people we love them so we can hear the promise we're loved in return. Sometimes we present gifts to charity for the sole purpose of receiving tax write-offs. When people donate gifts, time or other entities, it's sometimes the "why" that warrants questioning. Are my gifts to God like the widow's mite (Mark 12)? Do I genuinely give from my need, as she did, or to feel self-satisfied because of my generosity? Too, we often present someone with a gift and secretly wonder what we're receiving in return.

When one performs a helpful deed for another does one expect a demonstrative gesture of thanks, and assume "you owe me one"?

I questioned work ethics. Did people perform more efficiently when higher salaries were paid and they were recognized and applauded? Or does one "Work as unto the Lord" (Col. 3:32), knowing the most coveted reward will eventually come from God rather than one's employer?

I recently talked with a young man, "Tom," who feels his aging mother loves (and treats) his brother better than him. Each time the brother comes to visit, his mother is left in a fretful mood because of Tom's worrisome behavior. Tom is so distraught at being the recipient of his mother's frustration following the departure of his brother he refuses to perform necessary chores for her. His attitude is "Why should I clean her house for her? Let him do it." He asks, "What's in it for me?"

I asked Tom if he helped care for his mother to receive appreciation or because of genuine love for her. I reminded him of Jesus' approach when only one of 10 lepers he had healed thanked him (Luke 17). Although Jesus expressed disappointment when the remaining nine refrained from giving thanks to God, he nevertheless continued healing people. I suggested the young man derive satisfaction simply from the performance of chores for his mother and realize genuine giving comes from love rather than a desire for appreciation. How often have most of us felt those same emotions when we felt devalued?

It's easy to fall into the trap of always looking to see what we're receiving in return for what we do. Whether it's monetary gain, reciprocal love, ego stroking or pompous pride at our perceived goodness, we need only remember that what's in it for us is love for one another. We don't need praise and earthly rewards if we remember God is always aware of what we do.

His promise of eternal life overshadows any praise, ego boost or show of appreciation we could receive from others. Our feelings of being unappreciated and rejected can never compare to Christ's sufferings on the cross for us. He asked for nothing but gave his life freely out of love.

So if I ask "What's in it for me?" I hope I'll remember that love for God and neighbor is what makes it more blessed to give than receive. That's what's in it for me. As Teresa of Jesus said, "The one who has God finds nothing lacking. God alone suffices."

Ellen Shuck is director of religious education at St. Mary's Cathedral Parish in Cape Girardeau.