Volunteer coach gets kick out of cones

Some kids call me Mr. Bliss. Others call me Mr. Mark. But I've never been called coach until now.

Coach Mark. I never expected that.

I certainly didn't plan for it

Growing up, I wasn't the athletic sort. I played "Donald, a man on relief," in a junior high production of "You Can't Take It With You."

I was a member of a camera and film club in high school. We made short movies. In those pre-digital days, that meant real film and editing involved splicing sections of film together.

I wasn't a high school athlete. I never envisioned coaching any sport.

But there I was on the grass field next to the Osage Community Centre last week helping my daughter, Bailey, and her Earthquake teammates at soccer practice.

And all because at the end of the first evening of practice, the coach mentioned that he had no assistant coach and hoped a parent would volunteer.

I looked around. Few dads were in attendance. So I volunteered.

I explained to the coach that I've never coached soccer. But I have been to most of Bailey's youth soccer games, and I've cheered on the sideline like other parents. I've watched others coach the sport.

And like many Americans, I watched a lot of the World Cup games on television this summer.

I know you're supposed to pass the ball to the open teammate and kick the ball in the goal.

Sounds simple until you've tried it.

Of course, the advantage of youth soccer is that the field isn't as enormous as those World Cup venues. Those fields are so big even the coaches need binoculars to see the players.

As a dad, I've watched numerous youth soccer practices. I know the importance of water bottles and Cool Blue Gatorade. But watching practice and helping direct it are two different things.

The key to soccer practice, I've learned, is those plastic, orange cones. No self-respecting youth soccer coach can do without them.

The cones serve as field boundaries and double as soccer goal posts. You can't have a practice without them.

You also have to have a lot of soccer balls. A single ball won't do for practice.

So now after all these years of standing on the sidelines, I'm on the field, helping the kids practice.

That means running after balls kicked out of bounds and at times serving as a defender on the field to force the girls to pass the ball to teammates.

By the end of my first two-hour practice with the team of fifth and sixth graders, I was exhausted.

But I was thrilled that I didn't get run over by the team. Clearly, I have to build up to this coaching stuff.

But I do like those cones.

With clear direction from the coach, I can move those cones all over the field.

I'd feel out of place directing practices. But assisting is another story

The head coach has a whistle. I don't. That's fine with me. I'm not looking to be in charge. All I'm trying to do is help out and keep from tripping over my own feet.

My biggest mistake in my first practice as an assistant coach was that I didn't bring a big enough water bottle for myself. Even as a coach, you can build up a thirst trying to keep up with energetic middle-school students.

All I can say is thank goodness for head coaches who spend so much of their free time helping children get some exercise and learn about a sport.

Practice not only helps the youngsters. It can teach parent volunteers the importance of a good set of orange cones.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.