The sunny side of aging

Some people fear gravity as they get older, others the loss of sexual power, some even fear grannydiapers.

Me? I fear becoming a cranky old man.

Forget creaky joints; nothing can age one faster than crotchetiness. I have started to see signs of it in my friends and colleagues (OK, OK, even in myself): That increased irritation with having to wait for anything, the feeling that everything is too loud, that no theater seat is comfortable enough, that service is always too slow. We spend a lifetime trying to mature from our immature narcissism only to find ourselves falling back into being demanding babies wanting to be fed immediately.

I am wondering about this as I enter the decade that will bring me Medicare and the official status of seniorhood: Is my fate to become a snarling Walter Mathau clone?

You can imagine my glee at discovering that as we get older, we actually become more emotionally positive. This is the conclusion of several studies that have found that we gain "emotional fitness" as we age. Contrary to those disturbing stereotypes, the older you get, the less negative you become.

Older folks will recall more positive memories than younger folks and, in one study, were more adept at recalling more positive images than their younger counterparts.

According to the American Psychological Association's review of this research, "These psychological studies document the tendency of older people to regulate their emotions more effectively than younger people, by maintaining positive feelings and lowering negative feelings. Thus, aging does not automatically bring a bad outlook."

These findings counter the popular notion that young people are wide-eyed and bushy-tailed while oldsters are crabby and complaining. So what gives?

One theory could be that as we get older we start realizing that there is a horizon to life and that realization puts things into perspective. Why sweat the small stuff ... and everything is "small stuff" when you have your health, a good pal and/or spouse and a bowel movement at least once a day. If you want a cool cocktail-party way of saying this, you could say that the research supports older people having greater "socioemotional selectivity."

This may suggest that our faltering memories are our allies in this regard. But another study refutes this. Older and younger adults were asked to recall how well they were doing 14 years prior. The older ones consistently reported more positive health -- whether it be physical, mental or emotional -- than the youngsters, and the oldsters even reported that their mood had improved over the 14 years. The researchers were adamant that these findings were not a result of age-related declines in memory.

I have noticed that as I get older I have less room in my memory bank. The bad experiences tend to fade, leaving the more bountiful deposit of good memories. Looking back at my days at the University of Missouri, I can barely remember trudging through the bitter cold to attend calculus classes I knew I would never understand. I don't remember the moments of self-doubt or the bouts of depression, yet I recall midnight strolls and keg parties.

Perhaps that is the best antidote to the perpetual crank: Remembering the moonlight and the juicy intoxication of selective memory slices. Perhaps it is the way we cope with life and its waning.

Dr. Michael O.L. Seabaugh, a Cape Girardeau native, is a clinical psychologist who lives in Santa Barbara, Calif. Contact him at mseabaugh@semissourian.com For more on the topics covered in Healthspan, visit his Web site: www.HealthspanWeb.com.