The perfect wedding

By Tyler Tankersley

Last Wednesday, my wife and I celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary. We were married in my parents' backyard under a beautiful, colorful summer sunset. We were joined by a small crowd of friends and family. Our wedding playlist included The Beatles, Sufjan Stevens and Boston. It was a perfect evening filled with holy, sacred moments. It seemed like everything went just according to plan.

Weddings seemed designed to trick you. They are these highly choreographed events that seemed to be tightly scheduled down to the very second of the ceremonial schedule. Everybody involved in a wedding has a specific part to play, given clear instructions, and everything seems so predictable.

But a wedding and a marriage are two very different things. While a wedding may be a highly orchestrated event, a marriage can feel like a roller coaster of ups and downs. All marriages, even great marriages, can be unpredictable, chaotic and confusing.

A few weeks before our wedding, my wife and I served in the wedding party of a friend's wedding. At that ceremony, the pastor said something that has always stuck with me. He said, "Marriage is about remaining committed to your spouse as you fall in and out of love with them." As a soon-to-be-groom, I initially bristled at that comment. I remember thinking, "Jessica and I won't be like that. Fall out of love with her? That's crazy." But nine years of marriage has taught me the wisdom of what that pastor was saying.

The pastor was trying to teach that couple and the rest of us listening that marriage is about so much more than what we feel in the moment; marriage is about a commitment that transcends our feelings, our changes and our whims.

My grandfather used to say that during dangerous snowstorms on his childhood farm, his father would tie a rope from the house to the barn so he could make his way back inside during a blizzard. He said there were stories of men who died mere feet from their homes because they were lost in their own backyard. So long as you held on to the rope, you knew you could find your way back home.

Jessica is my rope. She is my constant in the midst of life's ups, downs and everything in between. Our marriage is not perfect, but the love we share is what grounds us. That love gives us clarity, and Jessica helps remind me who I am truly called to be. Jessica continually teaches me about grace, beauty, love and truth.

As beautiful as our wedding was, everything did not go according to plan: Directly after the ceremony we forgot to take any family pictures; neither Jessica nor I got any cake; and the grand fireworks that were supposed to be set off as we walked to our car were inadvertently fired into the crowd of attendees! Thankfully nobody was hurt, but it sure was chaotic.

It was not a perfect wedding. It's not been a perfect marriage. But I would not trade either for anything in the world.