RIVER CITY JOURNAL: HOT TIP: INVEST IN TRUCKERS WITH WATER TANKS

If you think high-tech is the wave of the future, you haven't given the booming gambling industry enough attention.

Gambling has been on my mind since a judge in Cole County ruled on Monday it's OK for riverboat casinos to float in a pond -- as long as the pond is full of water from the Missouri River or the Mississippi River, and as long as the pond is within 1,000 feet of the main channel of either of those rivers.

I grew up with ponds, so I know a little something about ponds. We had ponds strategically located around the farm on Kelo Valley in the Ozarks west of here when I was growing up. One pond provided drinking water to the milk cow that pastured nearby. Another pond provided water for the horses in another field. And so forth.

The pond behind the barn was the only one stocked with fish, mostly bluegills, which reproduce faster than rabbits. Even the snapping turtles couldn't keep up with the bluegills. But we sure had some fat snapping turtles.

It was my job in cold weather like we're having right now to chop holes in the ice on the ponds being used by livestock. It was one of the more pleasant farm chores, because you could scoot on the ice and risk freezing to death as the ice snapped and cracked, warning of imminent danger. But this was before Nintendo. Heck, it was before TV. So running on thin pond ice was about as exciting as it got in wintertime.

Ponds were also useful for catching bullfrogs, which were plentiful in the spring and summer. They were good eating. At least, that's what I'm told. I personally never ate the frog legs my cousin and I provided for the dinner table. Too exotic.

But there's one thing I know for sure: I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined going to a gambling casino, with all its flashing lights and flashy folks, on a pond. No siree. I never, ever thought I would see the day.

But a new day is dawning, thanks to a full-of-kindness gambling commission that operates like a kindly, old great-aunt who keeps handing you a plate full of chocolate chip cookies filled with nuts and raisins. "Here, Honey, these are good for you. The nuts and raisins will make you regular." Yes, and exactly how many tons of sugar and butter were in the recipe?

And the gambling czars are being aided and abetted by poker-faced judges who think cruising riverboats can steam back and forth in ponds that aren't even big enough for good-sized bluegills.

Here's what I think: I think anyone with a dime to spare ought to be investing every last penny in what promises to be dozens of startup gambling-related enterprises. Example: Given the judicial and regulatory climate, it shouldn't be too hard to get rid of that bothersome 1,000-foot rule. Without it, some smart entrepreneur could dig a pond in downtown Branson. Now here's the part where smart investing will pay off. Put your money in truck lines with big water tankers. They'll be in huge demand hauling Missouri River water to Branson to keep the pond filled up.

Golly, I even know of a couple of farm ponds in Kelo Valley, that Ozark scenic paradise, which could be emptied out and filled up with fresh Mississippi River water. I haven't figured out what to do with the bluegills yet. I know some environmental group wouldn't want them to be harmed in any way.

Isn't that interesting? Gambling regulators are easy to deal with. Environmental regulators won't let you touch a hair on a fish.

Go figure.

~R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.