RIVER CITY JOURNAL: EXPLANATION NO. 327: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOLFERS, FISHERMEN

Warm weather is upsetting the internal clocks of blooming plants and guys who would rather be outdoors.

Once again, there is good reason for everyone to be talking about the weather.

The unusually warm autumn -- has the thermometer dipped below freezing yet? -- is good news for some, not so good news for others.

In the good-news column are golfers and fishermen who have found any number of excuses to leave work early. Of course, some of them have had to invent new reasons to be gone, because most of the tried-and-true spring and summer ones don't play well in the fall.

"Uh, I've got to leave early today, uh, because, uh, my grass really needs to be mowed."

Golfer. No question about it.

"Look, I've got to get home early to put out fresh water for the dogs. They're miserable in all this heat."

Golfer.

"Say, I've got to do something about the ventilation in my attic. My house is going to explode if I don't. I guess I'll have to knock off early to get up there."

Golfer.

How do I know all these lame excuses are golfing excuses? How do I know these lines don't come from fishermen?

Well, that's the big difference between golfers and fishermen. Golfers, for some reason, find it necessary to sneak in 18 holes. They dodge both work and family obligations by -- how can I say this? -- telling fibs.

Fishermen, on the other hand, save their prevarications for important things. Like the size of the bass that got away. Or the size of the bass that got caught -- but was eaten before any photographic evidence could be accumulated.

That's right. Fishermen don't see any reason to make up excuses to take off for their favorite lake or stream or farm pond.

"Hey, y'all, it's too nice a day to be indoors. I'm going fishing."

Fisherman.

Being a natural-born worrier, I have other things to fret about during warm spells that last well into December. There are plenty of golfers and fishermen to carry that load. I'll deal with the rest of the stuff.

Like leaves.

The city just sent its truck-sized vacuum cleaner to my neighborhood this week to suck up all the leaves everyone raked or blew to the curb. There were huge mounds of the leaves all along the street. It looked like we were fortifying for an attack from some unspecified marauder. But now the long piles of leaves are gone.

However, all the leaves aren't gone. Thanks to warm weather, some oak trees have decided to hang on to their leaves just a few more days. These leaves are drifting to the lawn in dribs and drabs. Soon they will need to be raked. But where will they go?

And that's not all. My neighbor's forsythia bush is in full bloom. Which means forsythia leaves are likely to follow. What if the oaks take a notion to put on new leaves in the warm fall weather? Then, when it turns cold, they'll shed all over again. Will the city send the Mighty Power Vac back to inhale them?

I guess I'll need to take off this afternoon and tend to the leaf crisis.

And, by the way, in case you're wondering about my own views on fibbing, you need to know I golf. I don't fish.

~R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.