RIGHT OF CENTER: HOW BUREAUCRACY OVERWHELMS ITSELF

As lawlessness increases in our nation's cities, it's good to know that at New York's Central Park the lawbreakers don't always get away with their crimes.

Central Park hosts its share of murders, muggings, rapes and assaults. It is a denizen for drug-peddling gangs and the dirtbags they attract. It's a good bet that all kinds of illicit behavior continues to flourish in the park.

But in the case of William Schlesinger, law and order prevailed, despite numerous appeals to get his conviction overturned. Schlesinger's crime?

According to the Associated Press, one day last spring Mr. Schlesinger was compelled to climb down from the monkey bars at a Central Park playground and give his grandmother an urgent message that would launch his criminal career: "I gotta' go pee!"

Billy's grandmother, Nancy Stein, looked for a public bathroom and found none. She directed the 4-year-old behind a bush, where the preschooler found relief.

But before Stein could button her grandson's pants, two scooter-riding cops were on the scene. The law enforcement agents demanded identification -- from the grandmother -- and cited her for violation of NYC Administrative Code 16-118.6 for young William's deposit of a "noxious liquid." They then handed Stein a $50 ticket.

But what started out as William's piddling problem has since turned into a crash course in bureaucratic incompetence. So far, Stein has dealt with the city's Sanitation Department, the mayor's office, the Environmental Control Board and an administrative judge. She is yet to get her 50 bucks back.

After paying the fine, Stein appealed. The administrative judge was sympathetic, but he upheld the fine. Stein wanted again to appeal, but she was told that would involve contacting two city agencies, hiring a notary public and missing another day's work. Her husband then wrote the mayor's office. That thrust the city's Environmental Control Board into action. The board sent the case to the Sanitation Department, which allegedly issued the ticket, and the board's appeals unit. But the folks at the Sanitation Department said they had nothing to do with the ticket.

Now Stein and her husband are waiting to hear from the Environmental Control Board's appeals unit. Their case is one of 2,000 similarly in limbo.

So it goes when you try to get out of paying a $50 fine for your grandson's incontinence. Never mind that he relieved himself only a few blocks away from a crack house. The Central Park pseudo-cops got their man, or lad in this case.

If nabbed by police, a Central Park mugger would have a better chance of ducking justice. But the criminal justice system's inability to stem real crime only increases the odds that peace officers will resort to harassing law abiders.

Nancy Stein must avoid certain parts of New York City that are overwhelmed by crime. The city government has cheated her and many other New Yorkers. Out of a simple human desire for civic order has hatched a monster bureaucracy. But this expensive, expanding bundle of red tape has failed to maintain civic order.

Yet when two of the monster's lackeys throw the book at a 4-year-old caught taking a leak behind a bush, the same bureaucracy is too inept even to make amends.

~Jay Eastlick is the news editor of the Southeast Missourian.