Radical love in the age of retirement

Diana is someone whose spirit shines brightly. Being in her presence, you just naturally want to engage. For 35 years she was a teacher in the public school system, using that same energy to inspire and move her students to change. This past year, at 58, she retired.

Recently she told me that one of the hardest things about retirement is that everyone asks what she is doing next. Often, the implication is that she must have a difficult time not working. The truth of the matter is that she is enjoying doing "nothing."

Has she gone from being a dynamo in her profession to slipping into some veiled depression? After all, this is what everyone seems to think is a danger of retiring at a fairly early age.

When I enquired about her day, her natural enthusiasm emerged, suggesting that these are empty concerns. As a special treat, she went to the grocery store and only bought a few items.

"I always hated doing one of those big grocery store shoppings," she explains. "You know, like you have to do when you have one morning to do all your chores and you have to shop for the week. Now, I just look for the few fresh ingredients that I need for this evening's meal.

"Last night, I took the time to really make a nice salad with these ingredients, making sure that it was full of color. I relished in visiting my herb garden -- something I never did when I was working -- and utilizing these hand-picked herbs to garnish my salad."

She pauses, pleasure suffusing her face. "My husband and granddaughter thought it was a work of art." Then suddenly her smile fades, her face clouds with concern. "But it is just a salad. It's not like I am out doing something to save the world."

I was reminded of Theresa, who is one of the best Italian cooks I know. She always taught her children that they should never cook anything in haste. Every act of preparation should be done with love, she advised, because the people who eat the meal will know the difference.

Author Henry Drummond said, "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."

In a memorable conversation with my mentor, I had expressed some of this same frustration I heard from Diana about my work as a psychotherapist. I remember telling him that working with one person at a time is hardly effective in addressing the dire mental health and relationship issues in our country.

He was quick in his response. "Psychotherapy is radical! We touch people, one at a time, in a very special way. It raises the consciousness of one person, and that person goes out into the world and touches another person. And so on."

I used to think that it took a movement to save the world. I no longer embrace such thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I still admire the passion that comes from banding together in political or social movements. Either it is the weariness of age or the wisdom that comes from it, but I now leave such matters to the wild-eyed pink-cheeked youth. My paradigm has shifted.

I now know that the world is saved one person at a time.

Dr. Michael O.L. Seabaugh, a Cape Girardeau native, is a clinical psychologist who lives and works in Santa Barbara, Calif. Contact him at mseabaugh@semissourian.com For more on the topics covered in Healthspan, visit his website: www.HealthspanWeb.com