Putting self aside

I have been thinking about the relationship of frustration to selfishness, and how my frustration often comes because I am putting my own needs before others'. When I focus on myself and feel like my wants aren't being met, I begin to feel angry and resentful. When I turn my view from myself, however, and instead fix my gaze on Christ and on how I can love others through him, I find the burden of my wants gains some perspective. Other people have needs, too. It's not all about me.

One of my favorite forms of prayer is a litany, or a series of petitions prayed by one person and responded to by another person with a repeated line, such as "Thank you, Lord," or "Pray for us." I love litanies because, in their repetition, they always take me by surprise -- we end up being grateful for things that seem negative, or asking for things that seem like blessings to not become burdens. Two beautiful examples are the Litany of the Love of God and the Litany of Mary of Nazareth.

In her song "I Shall Not Want," Audrey Assad prays a litany. She sings, "From the love of my own comfort, from the fear of having nothing, from a life of worldly passions, deliver me, O God. From the need to be understood, from the need to be accepted, from the fear of being lonely, deliver me, O God. From the fear of serving others, from the fear of death or trial, from the fear of humility, deliver me, O God."

The first time I heard this song, it was a revelation to me, as I realized that being understood isn't my right and that I don't have to be understood to be OK. It is a gift when I am understood by people, but I can rest assured the only understanding I need, I already have in my God and Savior.

The other week at my church, one of the women said something that's been echoing in my mind. She said that as long as she's doing what the Lord wants her to do, no matter what that looks like, then she's doing the right thing. It was a good reminder to me that I shouldn't hold my life up against what the world says I "should" be doing; as long as I am being obedient to what God is calling me to and to the places God is calling me to, I am doing the right thing.

It's sometimes -- maybe always -- about being faithful in matters that may seem small to me, like being a good daughter and friend. It's giving up my need to be understood, my desire to be accepted, my preference to not be lonely. It's about pressing into humility, being willing to give all, and disregarding my own comfort for the benefit of others. It's about being so immersed in God that I hold everything else with open hands, allowing God to leave what I need and take what I don't. It's about showing up, placing myself before the Lord honestly as I am and trusting that God is taking care of the rest.

Deliver us, O God.