POWER PLAY: BUSINESSES ARE GETTING A BIT TOO NOSY

No country on this or any other planet puts more emphasis on consumer satisfaction than does ours. If people want goods or services ranging from "Star Trek" commemorative colostomy bags to sex education classes for their pet iguanas, and are willing to pay for it, someone will happily provide.

And most successful businessmen know that providing that good or service in a satisfactory manner is vital. If they don't, someone else will.

I am lately becoming a dissatisfied costumer and the reason is some businesses are trying to poke their noses a bit too far into my personal life.

I recently attempted to join one of those mail-order music clubs. Having been in similar clubs before, I expected no problems.

About two weeks later, however, I received a letter from the club asking for additional information. In order to have the privilege of purchasing records from this company, they wanted my bank account numbers, the account numbers of my credit cards, my Social Security number, a copy of my fingerprints, hair and tissue samples and my written consent to submit to a drug test. (Anyone whose test comes up negative for drugs is not allowed to order any albums by The Doors or Pink Floyd.)

I can understand why mail-order companies want to be a little selective. Some college acquaintances of mine used to constantly join these clubs under assumed names, receive their free CDs or tapes and then fail to buy more selections at regular club prices as required.

Selective is one thing, but intrusive is another. If they require access to my financial records in order to do business, then we won't be doing business. I hope they do a follow-up call to find out why I haven't sent in the requested information just so I can personally tell them that.

Sometimes divulging personal information makes sense. If a credit card company is going to give me a $5,000 line of credit, it is probably reasonable for them to know up front how much income I make, if I am already deeply in debt and if my assets have been frozen by federal prosecutors.

Many retail businesses don't delve quite so deeply into your personal business, but still ask for more than they need.

Often when you make a purchase at a store they want you to list your name, address, phone number, blood type and the names and criminal histories of your immediate family. I usually decline to fill it out, and about half the time the clerks leave you alone. But the rest of the time they press you.

"I really need you to fill out this information, sir," they say.

Why? I'm just buying a couple quarts of oil; I'm paying in cash; and there's no warranty involved. Are you planning to send me a Christmas card? Or maybe you want to call and make sure I'm satisfied with the lubricative properties of the oil?

Such a reply usually throws them off, but a few will forge ahead and invoke what in the minds of retail types are the powers above.

"I'm sorry, sir, but my manager says that we have to have this information," they continue.

Implied in the clerk's tone is that if you don't play along, they will get in trouble. And why be a big jerk and get them in hot water with the boss over some inconsequential information?

Yeah, like someone is really going to get sacked for selling motor oil without checking I.D.

At this point I threaten to make my purchase elsewhere, and they reluctantly complete the transaction and then curse me to co-workers when I leave.

So why, actually, do companies want this information?

First, I think this proves the massive influence of the junk mail industry. They have billions of tons of junk mail to distribute and they need addresses to do it. To obtain these addresses they put the squeeze on retailers: Gather the customer addresses or the junk mail will be dumped on them.

The second reason is something nefarious called consumer research. Companies like to know the demographics of their customers, ostensibly so they can better meet customer needs and wants. All sounds a bit sneaky to me, though. If they want to do consumer research, they should be up front about it.

When I go into a store, I want to make my purchases and then leave. I don't want to complete forms. I don't want to divulge personal info.

Is that really too much to ask?

Marc Powers is a member of the Southeast Missourian news staff.