Others are hurting

By Rennie Phillips

From the time I was little I've been around cattle of one kind or another. Growing up I was around some Jersey milk cows that Dad had for milking but Dad also had some Hereford cattle. Dad would have the cows calve in April so by fall the calves would be ready to wean and sell. Most of the time Dad would sell them right off the cows. Once the calves were separated off the cows and gone the moma cows would raise a ruckus. They would be running here and there looking for their babies. But even while looking they would be mooing up a storm trying to call their babies. This was a part of raising cattle. For most ranchers the loss of the cow's baby and her feelings wasn't much of a concern. The rancher was more concerned about the moma cow breaking down a fence or tearing something up.

The rancher was at the same time dealing with a whole range of issues, personal issues. Maybe making sure there was enough hay for the winter. Maybe getting the cows to their winter pasture. Maybe family issues or marriage problems. Maybe he has teenagers in college. Maybe the calves didn't sell for enough to cover his expenses so there might be all kinds of financial problems. So what happens is the rancher can be so focused on his own problems and issues he isn't aware of the hurts and problems of those around him.

Back through the years I've been around a number of divorced individuals who are angry and lonely and hurting and they want to talk about their problems with their friends and their family. Matter of fact they need to talk about their feelings. But even amidst the hurt and the pain their friends may be hurting as well. They may be facing hurts and discouragement and loneliness ever bit as heavy as their friend who is getting a divorce. The words that come to mind is being a "wounded healer."

When I first entered the pastorate I kept track of weddings and funerals but that fell by the wayside years ago. And even though I'm retired I still do occasional weddings and funerals. One thing the funeral does is it allows the family and friends to talk about the deceased person. It gives them a chance to get their grief out in the open and deal with it. My wife recently lost a younger sister so she is going through a grieving process.

Yesterday she happened to meet a friend by accident that she could share her grief with over losing a sister. It was good that she could share about what her sister Rhonda was like. Marge talked about dealing with her cremation and Rhonda's final resting place. But Marge also talked about Rhonda's bubbly personality and her kind of free spirit. It was one of those moments that aren't accidents.

Our world today isn't what it used to be. Airports are full of people going here or there. I wonder where they are all going and why? Airports full of strangers staring at their phones oblivious to those around them. Roads full of cars and trucks going somewhere for some reason. I'm not sure all this is progress!

We don't have that home spun caring for your neighbor. Several times while I was growing up someone would get sick and their work on their land would come to a standstill. That was when the neighbors stepped in and helped out. That was back when we actually had neighbors. Neighbors who knew when you were hurting and needed a friendly ear to listen. Neighbors who could look you in the eye and see the tears that were about ready to fall.

Back then everyone griped about the party lines and how everyone knew everyone's business. This wasn't all bad. Many times when you received news over a party line the whole neighborhood knew it as well. Now we rely on texting and facebook and all the rest.

Realize that you are a "wounded healer." There is no one as good as the person who has dealt with the same issue. A breast cancer survivor can minister to one going through breast cancer. Someone who has gone through a heart attack and open heart can minister to one who are going through the same thing. When we lose a Father or Mother or brother or sister we know what the pain is like. When we look them in the eye and say we are sorry they know we understand. I believe wounded healers can help others heal.

Be a good listener. Back when I was in seminary one of the profs said to speak less and listen more. Good advice. There are times when all someone needs is a listening ear. Be willing to listen to the same story time after time. But even as you listen really care.

Realize that behind the smile and the tough exterior there might be someone who is hurting and needs a friend who will just listen and care.