NEWS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE: HOW MUCH FOR THE CRACKHOUSE?

When looking into buying that first home you really need to learn real estate buzz words.

After this quick lesson in real estate buzz words you too will realize you can't afford anything more than a crackhouse.

Newly constructed means no lawn and muddy floors. Fixer upper isn't a suggestion, it's really a warning the city inspector gave the last owners and that's why they're selling.

Watch out for sayings like "hang your heart here," it usually means leave your wallet with the banker and realtor.

"Price reduced," means the owners and realtors have just gotten over an over inflated sense of themselves and they may soon be willing to deal.

"Great starter home," that's code for crackhouse or the last people who lived here were murdered.

"Get away from it all," typically means that you'll never again be on time for work.

Beware of "livable," that's code for rats and roaches seem to like it here.

"Charming" is the realtor's generic word for homes that have nothing special about them at all.

"Nice starter home in the country," is code for recent methamphetamine lab bust forces bank to repossess home.

"Make an offer," means we know we're asking way too much, but we're interested in seeing how gullible you are.

"Investment" or "get started as a landlord," means we're sure anyone with the money wouldn't be caught dead living here, but you could rent it out to some young college student who doesn't know any better.

"Original woodwork throughout," means termite colony is well established. Or tread lightly on the floors.

"Completely remodeled," is code for we're going to try to sell it at new home prices.

"Excellent location," could mean the lot has never been hit by a meteor in the past 100 years.

"Covered patio," should prompt you to ask is the rest of the home covered?

"Enjoy the country fresh air," has many different meanings such as get out of the home to avoid the radon gas problem or you'll need to buy some new windows for this home.

"Don't wait too long," usually means the flood buyout program is working its way around the neighborhood.

"Outdoor setting," should immediately illicit questions as to the condition of the roof.

"Great home on 60 acres," just means you'll have to buy a bigger and better mower.

"Rustic," is code for lack of plumbing and electricity.

And for that matter so is "historic." The difference between the two terms is one is generally in the country while the other is an eyesore in town.

My last pointer for you is to watch out for the use of ellipsis in home advertisements. "Looking for a great home..." If the sentence were completed it would say "then don't look here."