Mastering anger

By Jeff Long

"Why are you angry? ... Sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it." (Genesis 4:6-7)

Biblical Cain is a sad figure -- all the more so because so many of those reading this column can recognize his anger. We've felt it. It's unjust, it's unfair, that God would prefer his brother Abel's offering to his. God never said anything about quality. No one explained the rules. But Cain believes he can't lash out against God, so he projects his blazing hot frustration onto a safer target. His brother dies -- and we have Scripture's first murder.

Two people close to me, people I trust and admire, texted this week to say they believe they see anger everywhere. Anger spills out in all kinds of ways. Constructive anger, directed at injustice, brings about social change. Martin Luther King Jr., whose birthday was marked just a couple of weeks ago, was angry. He channeled it not into rage, as he so easily could have, but into energy that allowed him to build a movement that changed U.S. society. Thank heaven for King's anger.

Usually we think of the other kind of anger, the one that manifests itself in passive-aggressive behavior or in sarcasm, which is anger's ugly cousin -- to quote Jack Nicholson in the splendid film, "Anger Management."

Just recently, NBC's "Saturday Night Live" did a skit poking fun at the current political climate, posing the question "What even matters anymore?" to contestants on a game show. It was funny, but the anger underneath was hard to dismiss or ignore. Laughing at a sad state of affairs takes the edge off our collective frustration but doesn't erase the feeling something is dreadfully wrong.

I can use social media to blast individuals and institutions, but that's a buffet meal that will fail to sate our appetites or quench our thirst. Ultimately God's question to Cain falls at the feet of us all. How we respond can make the difference between contentment and continual frustration, between joy and despair.

Whenever anyone says to you, "You made me angry," a response could be: "No, you made yourself angry."

Cain made himself angry.

I cannot control what others do or fail to do. However, I do have control over myself -- my emotions, my actions. The solution to destructive anger and bitterness, often anger's child, is to remember we have control over our emotions and actions.

Jack Nicholson's character recommends we chant the word "Goosefraba" to put the brakes on explosive and destructive words and actions. If that works, do that. I try to remember Paul's words, that living at peace starts with me: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live in peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18)

If I want anything to change, I'd better work on me first.