Making the choice to love again

"I'll never love anyone or anything again. I've lost too many people and objects I've cared about."

I've heard that declaration from various people. But not long ago I gained a different perspective.

A few years ago a relative's cat died. The cat was a beautiful multicolored animal and had been given excellent care by her owners, Sybil and John. Even though the cat was grouchy, they loved her and were heartbroken when she passed.

I suggested they get another pet because Belle had brought so much pleasure, helping them fill their time.

The couple's comment was, "No, I'll never own another cat because you grow to love them and then they leave you. I don't want to go through that ordeal again. It hurts too much!"

During life everyone eventually loses a friend, relative, spouse, pet or another relationship. This can be through divorce, breakup or death. Of course one grieves and feels the void can never be filled again.

But what would life be like if no one ever loved because he feared losing the object of his affection? Even though nothing else can replace any unique person or object, to fear loving again is to cease living.

Love can be the energy that propels one toward hope -- anticipating the tomorrows of the future. Love also energizes us to enjoy the present -- our only guarantee in life.

When a plant dies, if its seed falls to the ground, we can anticipate new growth because of that death. We can enjoy the beauty of a like specimen again. Though not an exact replica, we can still derive pleasure from the different version. We can love and enjoy a "similar" flower again.

Thinking about the idea of never loving again for fear of losing the object of that love, I realized that viewpoint could apply to anything in life.

If a person is forced to leave a favorite house for another residence, he could refuse to adjust and never attempt to enjoy his new house.

The same principle could pertain to leaving one job for another. Someone might say, "I'll never get used to these people with whom I'm working, or the different manner I'm required to perform my job. I preferred the way I used to do things."

Although losing objects, jobs, houses and ways of doing things are different than losing a pet, spouse, friend or relative, a similarity exists.

Any time we become overly attached to anything, we feel nothing else can ever take its place when it's gone. Yet change and surrender are necessary for growth.

Indeed, one must let go of the fear of loving again. Losing a loved one may hurt, but lacking the courage to love again can cause a person to shrivel and die. Even though we live physically, we can be dead spiritually.

Paul said, "If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." (Corinthians 13:3)

We can't escape suffering and withdraw from life because we lose a cherished person, object, pet, or job, or finish a life-giving project or must change locations. The love we give and receive from meeting new people, making new friends, acquiring new pets and anticipating new jobs and residences can overcome the pain of what's been lost.

Scripture offers consolation for all life's hardships when it states, "At dusk, weeping comes for the night, but at dawn there is rejoicing." Psalms 30:6

I hope I'll remember that for every ending there's a new beginning, and after each dark night, daylight follows.

"God, rather than choosing the darkness of bitterness, help me instead to choose light and life by loving again and again."

Ellen Shuck is director of religious education at St. Mary's Cathedral Parish in Cape Girardeau.