LIFE'S PATH CAN BE TRACED THROUGH TANGLE OF LIPSTICK SCRAWLS

SUMMARY: For the last 10 years, I've been convinced that with the right shade of lipstick, I could do Alan Greenspan's job.

I went on a cleaning frenzy the other night and started dumping old makeup out of the large plastic carrying case -- it actually looks like a pink and purple plastic toolbox -- in which I store my camouflage gear.

An assortment of the outdated, the mascara-gone-bad and the just plain wrong went into the trash can.

Some of the stuff I'd had so long that it's actually back in style now.

Who knew pale blue frosty eye shadow would make a comeback?

On the plus side, I found my pliers.

I'm just not going to think about how they wound up in the makeup kit.

Some of the products dated from the 80s, when image -- the more artificial, the better -- was everything.

There are days I really miss the 80s. I was going to clean out my earrings when I got done with the makeup box, but all those doorknocker hoops made me too nostalgic.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that I can no longer hold my head upright when I wear those giant earrings.

My neck muscles have apparently atrophied in the last decade.

That's the sort of thing that makes me realize how deeply I dislike the aging process.

Some of the rejects only went back to the early 90s. Like the tube of "Natural Nude" lipstick I tossed in the trash.

Beige. It was beige. What made me buy beige lipstick, I'm not sure, but it was right there in the beauty tool kit.

Nobody wore beige lipstick in the 80s. Fuschia, yes, blood red, yes, even black, but not beige.

By the time the 90s arrived, we'd all gotten way too serious. Hence the popularity of beige lipstick.

Lip gloss has made a huge comeback. To me, lip gloss calls to mind all those pouting models panting at the camera.

In the 70s, though, once you put on the lip gloss, you realized the models weren't really panting; they just couldn't close their mouths because the gloss was so gooey their lips would be permanently stuck together.

I think a woman can trace the paths her life has taken by taking a good long look at the contents of her jewelry box and makeup kit.

And if she's really serious about it, by studying the occasional yearbook picture.

Yikes.

It's a sad statement that the major mistakes I've made in life all come down to men, haircolor and lipstick shades.

At least some stores let you return the lipsticks.

For some reason, lipstick has long been an obsession of mine.

I rarely wear the stuff -- although lately, I've taken to wearing it because it keeps me from biting my lips during times of extreme stress -- but finding the exact right shade has become a personal quest.

And for the last week or so, I've had the urge to go out and buy new lipsticks for everyday of the week.

For the last 10 years, I've been firmly convinced that with the right lipstick shade, I could do Alan Greenspan's job.

Well, maybe I could at least get my checkbook to balance.

Peggy O'Farrell is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.