Letting go of the unpleasant

Does letting go of the unpleasant mean we are weak, practice avoidance or we're cowards? Are we afraid to face things head on, so we pretend that all is well, while cowering in the corner and brooding, secretly? Are we stopped in our tracks and feeling too sorry for ourselves to move forward? "What's the point?" we say, and we accomplish nothing.

I'm sure everyone has experienced many of those feelings, but we need to examine our perspective on what we do when the bad things in life plague us--those things that keep our mind tied up with pessimism. Many times our pain is self-inflicted. We think we must keep holding onto whatever is bothering us, and it is spiritually wrong to try to be happy. Many of us have been raised to believe that to worry shows caring and it's wrong to be peaceful and happy when another is suffering. We, also, believe we ought to keep everything people give us or we're showing disrespect.

When bad things occur, some people are able to eventually shove the pain to the side and go on with their lives. If it's the loss of a loved one, this is especially difficult. We must attempt to counsel ourselves, as much as possible, convincing ourselves and remembering all things must end. If your loss is that of a relationship, it is usually better to "let it go." Although it may seem like a noble gesture to continue the relationship, we are inviting ongoing heartbreak, except in rare circumstances. If our loss is death, we have to recognize no one will be with us forever. Change is unavoidable, so we have to find a way to deal with our grief in our own way -- not run away and hide.

Regardless of what the hardship, we must move on with our lives. We can still have a life. Reach out to those who love us and be your own cheerleader. I use "be your own cheerleader" often, because the words relate to so many situations where we, alone, must be the strong one. I reach out to my God to allay all my fears and challenges. I recall a favorite Scripture which says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" (Timothy 1:7).

Being mindful of what has happened and the state of your life, now, is very helpful. Usually what is bothering us is something from the past. The past is exactly what it says -- in the past. We can realize that although the present is not the same, the unpleasant doesn't have to ruin our life now.

Feel the wind on your cheek. It's happening now and feels so good. Look at your home. It's probably the same. The familiar sun, rain, cold and heat are still present. We can be present to our life as it now, forget what was unpleasant in our past, and go on if we choose to. We can bring ourselves into a positive state of mind. Wanting to forget the unpleasant is usually not cowardice, weakness or avoidance. It can be for many reasons. Fear, feelings of inadequacy, rejection and loneliness, are just some of the results of an unpleasant situation. We may have lost our job, or been rejected by someone who's important in our life. Remember that whatever sadness you're experiencing, it's in the past. Don't let it spoil and retard your future.

Sometimes an unpleasant memory is created because we've placed unrealistic expectations on someone, or an event. We all have expectations toward almost everything, so let's make sure what we're expecting is realistic. Otherwise we're sure to be disappointed.

Try to forgive whatever has been the source of your bad memory. It isn't worth it, so don't continue to brood. You can't erase what happened in the past, so you have to let it go. It's a choice only we can make. We all have ups and downs in life, so let us take the attitude of Paul. He says, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, I can do everything through him who gives me strength," (Philippians 4:12-13). Let it go, and God will enable us to forget the bad and enjoy the good.